Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Willow and Spike
Summary: Willow helps Spike with his chip and a few other things.
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with `Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. The show and characters belong to Joss Whedon
Spoilers: The Initiative, Season 4
Feedback: Yes
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~Part: 1~
Spike stood in the shadows, waiting, biding his time. This time he had to be patient. There was too much at stake to risk blowing it now. He scanned the crowd as the students entered the courtyard. He knew she would be here. Spike took his cigarettes out and lit one. He pulled the warm smoke into his long dead lungs. He closed his eyes, focusing on what needed to be done. Spike knew this was the only opportunity he would have to get close to the witch. He had to make it count.
Spike scanned the crowed again. There it was.a flash of red. He moved behind the moving crimson flash as it separated from the rest of the happy meals with legs. He knew that she was aware of what could happen if she strayed from the pack. `What was she thinking?' he thought, smiling to himself. This was just too easy for him to have been wrong about making the witch his mark. He waited until she was almost to the warm, well lit safety of her dorm room entrance to make his move.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow stepped out into the night air. This was the only day that her classes kept her until after dark. She knew that she was taking a risk walking at night, but she knew that Buffy was too concerned with her Thanksgiving dinner to walk with her today. Besides, Willow felt like she needed to be on her own more, less reliant on others. So rather than bother her friends with walking her home, she would just do it by herself.
She walked toward her dorm room, but just as she was about to round the corner she felt a cold hand touch her bare arm.
"Red?" a raspy voice questioned.
Willow knew she should run, but something inside her just didn't care. The redhead knew he couldn't or wouldn't bite her. She stepped closer as if she was the moth being drawn to the flame.
"I need your help." Spike stepped into the edge of the light so she could get a look at his face. Not a lot of it, just enough to let her know who had a hold of her.
Willow felt her breath catch in her throat. He looked much worse than he had last night when he had tried to bite her. He had a couple of bruises on his face and a cut above his eye. She could tell that he had been in a fight. His eyes kept flashing from blue to yellow, she assumed from hunger. After all, she knew he couldn't bite.
He leaned in closer and whispered. "I need a safe place to hide." Then, as if to answer any questions about what else might have had happened last night he continued, "I got away when they attacked the dorms, but then got jumped by two more blokes who just wanted a fight. I managed to get away from them, somehow. I am so hungry I can't think." His eyes flashed yellow and he struggled with his true face.
Willow knew this was wrong; she shouldn't even be standing here listening to him. She should just walk away. He was only barely in control of his demon. Chip be damned, he could still hurt her.
Willow felt a shiver run down her back at the thought and still her feet stayed firmly rooted to the ground.
Spike managed to force his demon back and look straight into Willow's eyes. "Please."
`That is it,' she thought. `All he had to do was say please.' "Okay, the first thing we've got to do is get you some place where there is blood and is a safe distance from the school." Willow was shocked to hear her own voice so steady as she started planning the vampire's escape.
"I love the way you think, Red." Spike smiled. If he just stayed on track this would work. He could see the concern in her eyes. His demon danced with glee. She was going to help.
"First things first. Let's get away from campus. Less commandoes that way." Willow offered her support to Spike as they moved from shadow to shadow until they were away from the campus. When they came to the corner of Maple and Pine Streets Willow paused, uncertain of what to do. If she went right on Maple then she would be on her way to Giles'.and have to explain that she had decided, for the entire Scooby gang, that they were going to help their mortal enemy live now that he was neutered. She hadn't even told them about the attack in the dorm room yet . . . Or, they could head left on Maple and go to her parents' place . . . which was further from the college and less likely to be on the commandoes patrol route. She thought about it and then turned to the left. She could make this decision for herself; she didn't need to make it for everyone else. She knew that there were two blood bags in the fridge at her parents' place. Always knew she would need them for something and they should tide Spike over until the sun rose when she could go for more.
Spike hadn't realized how well his plan was working until he noted that she had turned away from the Watcher's place. Hell, he had tried everyone he knew already. The problem was that he mostly knew demons, and the few humans he did know were not going to help him. Then a flash of the night before in Willow's dorm room had sped through his mind. The feel of Willow beneath him, the sound of the blood rushing her veins . . . her fear had been so thick in the air that he could still taste it if he closed his eyes. That was when he realized that all he had to do was find Willow.
When he had looked up Buffy and Willow's room last night, their class schedules had come up on the screen as well, and he knew this was his only chance to get Willow alone. After the way she had reacted to him not being able to bite her, he knew she was the only one who might help him. So he had waited for her outside of the building her late night class was held in, hidden in the shadows waiting for her to come out and hoping that no soldiers passed by. Spike felt Willow stop walking and he looked up to see her at the front door of a dark house. As he studied the house he noticed that unlike the other houses on the street this one seem uninviting.
"Where are we, luv?" he asked.
"My house, where my parents stay when they are in town," she explained as she unlocked the door. She stepped inside and turned on the entryway light. "Come . . . "
"Red, are you sure about this? I can always hide in the garage . . ." Before he could finish Willow cut him off. Spike had to hide his smile as she said her next words. This was working perfectly.
"Come in Spike." She turned and took off her coat. "I guess I am feeling about as low as I can get right now. If this is a bad decision, then I will suffer the consequences of that choice alone. I won't drag my friends into this." Her resolve face was firmly in place. "Now, come in here and I will get you cleaned up. I have two bags of blood that will have to tide you over until I can get back into town to get some more."
Willow helped Spike remove his duster. "Okay. Let's get you up stairs to the bathroom."
Once in the bathroom Willow wet a washcloth and began to clean the wounds on his face. Once she was done with the nasty cut over his eye, she noticed that he was holding his ribs. As she looked closer at his chest, she realized that there was blood on his shirt.
"Take your shirt off," Willow said as she reached out to help.
"If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask, luv." Spike smirked. He reached down to the hem of his shirt and started to pull it over his head when the ribs that were broken offered resistance.
Willow stepped up and helped him remove his shirt the rest of the way. Willow knew the best way to handle this situation was to ignore his comment, and she started to clean the blood off his chest. There were a couple of deep gashes along his torso.
"Is it bad?" Spike asked. He knew the one on his left peck was very deep, but the one on his ride side was at just the right angle so he couldn't quite see it. He tried to straighten up, but ended up merely shifting the broken ribs causing him to hiss in pain.
"I know the cut is deep, but what is deep enough to scar a vampire? Besides, I thought vampires liked pain? " Willow's voice was soft, but there was cold edge to it. She paused for a moment. "Looks like it is trying to heal."
Spike leaned in to her. "I can show you a wonderful world of pain, luv. You just let me know when you deserve it and I will take you places your wolf could only dream of."
Willow felt him stiffen as her fingers brushed his skin and then he leaned in to sniff her hair. Willow drew in a deep breath and met his gaze. She was not surprised to find golden eyes staring at her with unencumbered hunger. It was the promise in those amber orbs that sent a shiver of fear down her spine. She watched as he sniffed the air. His tongue darted out between his lips, tasting the air. She knew he was aware of her fear.
He could hear her heart pounding in her chest. He could hear her blood running just under her skin like an untapped fountain. Willow's body was humming so loudly that his demon was swaying in time to the steady thump, thump of her heart. He couldn't control his demon. His true face came sliding to the fore as he leaned in and sniffed her hair again, memorizing her scent.
Willow had froze as soon as Spike brought up Oz. Did Spike somehow know that she hadn't been enough for Oz? That Oz had left her after a night or two with a real woman? Could Spike smell her weakness all over her?
"I will go warm you some blood. Why don't you change into this?" Willow said as she tossed a pair of sweat pants at him and turned to leave the room.
Before Willow could leave the room Spike reached out and pulled her backward into his chest. Making sure that she was trapped in his arms, he leaned into the crook of her neck. He could hear her heart pounding in her chest, but she made no move to pull away. He reached up with his hand and tilted her head just slightly to one side, giving him more room to inspect the creamy canvas of her neck. Willow made no move to change the situation. She truly didn't care what happened to her, and it was just how Spike wanted her. He felt a smile creep across his lips. She was almost ready for him. Spike decided this was a good moment to test the waters.
"What's the matter, luv? Did the stupid wolf find something better and then split the scene?" he purred as he placed his lips on the spot just below her ear. He didn't kiss her, just felt the softness of her skin against his lips.
"Do you want blood or do want to piss off the one person who is helping you?" Willow asked with a faltering voice. Spike released her and pushed her toward the door.
"I will need blood in order to heal properly," he whispered through his fangs as they began to elongate. Just the mention of blood tugged at the strings of his restraint.
Willow returned to the bathroom a few minutes later with two mugs of blood. Spike had smelled the blood as soon as she had opened the bags downstairs. He looked up at her as she came into the room and she handed him the mugs. His face shifted as he grabbed them from her hands. Both mugs went down quickly and he handed them back to her with a mumbled `thank you'.
Willow knew better than to say anything to him about it. She just took the mugs and walked out of the room. Spike stood and followed her down to the kitchen.
"What are you doing, luv?" Spike asked as he watched her move around the kitchen.
"I need to get some dinner and then we are gonna get some sleep. I have to leave early in the morning for class and I will need to go back to the dorms to shower and change first. Then at lunch I will bring you more blood," she said as she made a sandwich.
Spike couldn't believe the way she was already planning ahead for his needs. She was truly an innocent angel cloaked in fire. He smiled as he watched her eating, never looking up at him. Without a thinking he reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. He could see her broken heart hanging ever so tenderly on her shirt sleeve. Her sadness was like a blanket thrown about her shoulders.
Once Willow had finished her meal, she began to clean up the kitchen. When that was done she went to look for Spike. He had been missing for more than twenty minutes and was way too quite for her taste. She found him sitting on the couch with one of her father's bottles of scotch.
"What are you doing?" she asked almost startled.
"A little night cap before bed." Spike patted a spot on the couch next to him. "Why don't you come join me? I am sure that your father won't even know that it is missing. Besides, how long has it been since they were even here?"
Willow hadn't even noticed her feet moving until she felt the couch against her back. She had so much stress in her life lately. Most of the time she didn't even feel like her skin fit. Spike handed her the bottle and watched as she sipped from it.
"That is not a drink." His tone was gruff as he hit the bottom of the bottle and the burning liquid splashed down her throat.
Willow gagged as she swallowed the liquor. Still, she held her own and handed the bottle back to him. "It has been awhile. I'm not really sure how long, to tell you the truth. I stay at the dorms most of the time." She didn't want to talk about her mom and dad so she changed the subject. " I'm gonna go to bed." She stood and quickly left the room.
Spike didn't push the conversation any more when saw her stand and move out of the room. He decided that since he was spending the whole day alone tomorrow he would make the most of tonight. And he followed Willow up the stairs.
Willow never knew he was behind her until she went to change her shirt. She had it half way up her stomach when she felt his eyes burning a hole in her exposed skin. She never turned around.
"What are you looking at?" she asked. Her voice was shaking, setting all her insecurities out in front of this demon. Someone that she knew would betray her once he knew the depth of her secret.
"You, luv." His voice was a soft, sensual purr. Watching as her level of discomfort rose under his appraisal.
"Why?" Willow knew that one word had been laced with her disbelief. `Why would he want to look at me?' her mind screamed. Her fingers dropped the hem of the shirt and she spun around, meeting his eyes. Willow walked over to the door and slammed it in his face.
"Oh now come on, luv. Is that any way to treat me?" Spike knew he was baiting her. He had never thought that she would be changing when he looked into her room, so he had decided to see how long it would take for her to notice him.
"You sleep in the room across the hall . . . less light. Good night, Spike," came the muffled reply as the light in her room turned off.
Spike stood there for a moment and listened to her climb into bed. He listened until he could hear the soft, steady rhythm of her breathing as she drifted off to sleep before leaving and going across the hall to the room she had told him was his to use.
Spike climbed into bed, and as he drifted off to sleep with a full belly, he did it with a smile on his face. Things were working out better then he had hoped. Maybe he wouldn't have to be as patient as he had first thought.
~Part: 2~
Willow stood in the middle of Oz's room. Everything was gone. He hadn't said a word to her about sending for his stuff. And yet she found herself standing in a room that was empty. She closed her eyes, willing the tears away. She wouldn't cry over this; it was what she deserved. Nobody could love her, not really. She should have known that he wouldn't come back. Willow used all the willpower she had to stop the tears, but they fell anyway. Even though she knew it was hopeless, she tried desperately to stop the sobs from escaping. They racked her body as they fought for their right to be heard. Willow felt like she was drowning in a flood of emotions, unable to find her way up to the surface.
Willow knew that it was a useless fight, one that she would never win. She gave in to the pain in her heart and let the tears fall, her sobs echoing viciously around her. Mocking her. Oz wasn't coming back. He was not just getting his head straight; he was gone and he had left her behind. Just like her parents had been trying to do for years. Willow took one last look around the room through watery eyes before she left the room. She had to get out of there. There was just too much to remind her of her pain.
It was still hard for Willow to accept the fact that things were over, mostly because she felt so left out of the decisions, which were supposedly made for her benefit. After all, Oz hadn't asked her what she had wanted; he had thought that he knew what was the best for the both of them. Willow had walked into the room to find him packing to leave, the decision already having been made. Oz may have taken that away from her, but she still had the right to make her own choices in life. And since then, she hadn't been able to control her feelings or her magic. In her mind, she was back in the school lab with the beakers and flasks floating around her as the magic had built. It was her heart that gotten in the way. She couldn't just condemn Oz to a live like that. Now she wished she had. Then they would both be living the same kind of existence. Willow shook those thoughts away and knew in her heart that it was time she took control over something in her life.
She reached up and brushed the tears away and walked out the door. As it clicked shut behind her, she choked on an unreleased sob. Her life as she had grown to know it was now over, and she was so alone. Willow shook her head as if it could somehow remove the thoughts from inside her head. She had hoped that Oz would be the exception to the rule, but now she could see that she had only been fooling herself into getting hurt. Again.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow knew that she needed to get blood for Spike before she went home, but she was hoping that a quick stop by her dorm room would result in finding Buffy and having a little girl comfort time.
Willow hadn't been at the dorm much since her break up with Oz. She had so many memories of her and Oz that sometimes it was just hard to be there. She had spent most of her time either in class or at the library, but now that Spike was staying at her parents' house she felt like she needed to be there with him to make sure he didn't pawn everything in the house. Willow wasn't sure why she was even helping him. As she started to think about that night, she wondered what had happened to him. Who had been able to beat down a master vampire so badly that he was willing to come to her for help? Maybe this was what she needed to get her mind off things; maybe she needed to help Spike.
Willow opened the door to her dorm room and walked in. Buffy was talking to Giles on the phone. Nobody else could make Buffy frown so much. Whatever he was saying, it wasn't what the blonde wanted to hear. Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but Giles must have made his point clear because Buffy just scowled and hung up.
"Hey, Wills. Where you been?" Buffy asked.
Willow opened her mouth to tell Buffy what was wrong, but as soon as she thought of the empty room that had been a source of so much happiness in her life, she choked on the emotions within.
Buffy saw Willow's eyes fill with tears. Buffy knew all too well what was about to happen. And she knew she needed to get out of there before she spent the whole night listening to Willow cry over Oz again.
"Listen, Giles just called to tell me that I am needed over there, and after that I am meeting Riley. So I will catch you in class tomorrow." Buffy said quickly.
Buffy knew that she should take the time to help Willow, but she just couldn't stand the way Willow was handling her break up with Oz. It would have been better if Willow had done what Buffy did when she and Angel broke up. Willow should have just taken off and worked it out on her own. She was the slayer she just didn't have time for this. Buffy opened the door and took off without another word.
Leaving Willow to stare after her. Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. `Well, I guess I'll head back to the house. At least I know Spike will be happy to see me, even if it is because I am bringing him something to eat,' Willow thought as she packed an extra bag of clothes. `I think I will stay at the house for awhile,' she thought as she walked out the door.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow increased her pace as the door to Willie's swung shut behind her. It was broad daylight and she had never been so scared in her life. She was helping to hide the Scoobies' mortal enemy. And the worst part was that she was glad she was doing it. `You know, doing my part to make a small difference in a world of evil.' Willow smiled to herself and shook her head. That didn't sound good when she said it to herself, but she had bought it when Spike had said it.
Then again he looked so vulnerable when he had asked for her help. `He came to you, not anybody else. He came and asked you for help,' a little voice whispered in her ear. Willow shook her head. No point in letting her thoughts take that path to despair. Willow lowered her eyes to the pavement and picked up her pace. She was afraid to run into anyone she knew. `How would I explain the bags of blood?' Besides, since Oz had left she hadn't felt like herself. She knew she had a broken heart and that was part of the problem. Willow couldn't help but feel like there was a little more to it than that. This was more about the effect that her broken heart was having on her. She knew she was walking on a short road to despair. She was now living with an evil legend. She had even gone so far as helping him to survive now that he was harmless. Willow shook her head; she doubted that even a chipped Spike could be harmless.
Willow was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Anya until she bumped right into the ex-demon. Without letting go of her bag or looking up at the person she had just run into, Willow mumbled an "I'm sorry," and then just kept moving. Anya was left to stare at Willow's retreating form, wondering if all human women were so rude to their best friend's orgasm friend.
The rest of the walk back to her parents' house was uneventful. Willow unlocked the door and walked into the house. She put the bag and her keys on the table and then took of her coat. Willow hung up the coat, grabbed the bag of blood and went to put it in the fridge. The redhead knew that she had the bottom of the house to herself for a few more hours. Until the sun set the first floor was filled with the fading sun's rays. Willow fixed a sandwich and grabbed a soda from the fridge. She walked back into the entryway and picked up her book bag.
Willow didn't noticed when the sunset. She had immersed herself in her homework, and before she knew it, she found that is was done. School work had always been something she could lose herself in. There was this special place she would always find when she used her mind. Willow felt like there was nothing she couldn't do when it came to her mind. She knew that sometimes she overdid it, but it was the only thing about her that was good enough to offer to the people around her.
The witch let her mind drift. Things had been off for her since Oz had left. Their last few days played over and over in her mind. She had known that something was wrong. Why hadn't she just trusted herself? The thing between Oz and Veruca; Willow had seen that coming. She just hadn't known what to do about it. How could she compete with Veruca? Veruca was a werewolf and a musician. She was wild. And that was all it took to tare apart everything that her and Oz had built.
Willow felt the tears she had sworn not to shed again building up in her eyes as she thought of the morning she had found Oz with Veruca. Their scratched, naked bodies intertwined. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what had happened. Willow knew then, in that one single heart breaking moment, that she and Oz were not meant to be. Willow knew she had fooled herself into believing that all of the moments between her and Oz had been real, filled with love. To Willow's surprise, it had only taken a few days and a werewolf whore to tear their sturdy foundation to the ground.
The redhead knew what she was. She didn't need anybody else to tell her. Her parents leaving her when she was so young had cemented it. They never really wanted a child, so they had gotten away from her as soon as they could. She should have learned right then and there. Why would anybody else want her when her own parents didn't? They had taught her at an early age that she was more of an inconvenience than anything else. Willow felt the tears in her eyes break through the dam and fall onto her cheeks.
"Pet, who are those tears for?" Spike asked from the doorway.
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Spike had been lying awake in bed when she had come home, but he knew the sun would keep him in his room for a little while longer. He had been in the house for a few days now. And with nothing to do, he was starting to feel the effects. He needed to find a way to remove his chip, restore himself to his former glory. There had to be a way to get the bloody chip out. He would not spend the rest of his existence like this. Spike could feel himself becoming upset. He needed to think about something else.
He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the sounds Willow was making: the beat of her heart, the steady rhythm of her breathing, the sound of the pages being turned, of pen scribbling on paper as she took notes. Spike realized then that he could feel everything she was feeling. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He could almost taste her emotions in the air.
They drifted up to him through the walls and hallways of the house. He had a fleeting thought: it was almost as if her magic was somehow affected by her state of mind, or that her emotions were focusing her magic.
`Could she be that powerful?' he asked himself. Just because he had never really felt this kind of power from her before didn't mean it was impossible. `I could feel the fear rolling off her in delicious waves when I kidnapped her and the moron to do the love spell for me. Hell, that was even why I almost lost focus and decided to have a little taste of her instead of making her do the spell to get Dru back. No, not going to think about that ungrateful bitch . . . there is no good that can come form that.' Then again, the redheaded witch hadn't been under the kind of stress and turmoil back then that she was experiencing now . . .
Spike relaxed and let the feelings wash over him. The fear, the despair; it was all there. She was feeling just about every emotion that could possibly appeal to his demon. Her magic left a spicy taste in his mouth. He could almost taste her blood. Spike smiled as his mind went to work on ways to use this new discovery to his advantage.
Spike sat up in the bed when he smelled salt in the mixture of emotions. Then he heard her gentle sobbing and knew he could wait no longer. He got up and went downstairs. He wanted to help twist the knife, watch while she wallowed in misery. Why should he be the only one getting buggered by life?
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
Willow jumped when she heard his voice, the mocking way in which he had asked who the tears were for. She had almost forgotten that he was here.
"Nobody," Willow said. With a wave of her hand the tears where gone. She didn't look up at him.
"Nobody? I doubt that luv. You're not the kind to cry over nothing." His voice mocked her as he spoke, letting her know that he knew better. He also wondered if she knew that she had just performed an essentially perfect spell.
Spike could smell the magic in the room; it was thick in the air. He wondered if the girl was even aware of the fact that her magic was so close to the surface. She was getting stronger and stronger the older she got. His demon was filled with anticipation at the prospect of what this girl could mean for getting his chip out.
Spike walked into the room. He kept his eyes on Willow. She was a wonder to behold. She was so innocent it was hard to believe that she was holding more power in that tiny body than he had ever felt from a witch of her age before. Spike walked over to the couch and sat down next to Willow.
He watched her face as he sat next to her. She was afraid of him, of what he might do. And she was so unsure about herself. He didn't need for her to tell him that the wolf had left her. He could just barely smell the wolf's scent on her now and in a few days it would be gone entirely. He just needed to know why and how the wolf ended up out of the picture. He didn't want to push her. Not yet, anyway. He needed her, and that was not a point that he wanted to be reminded of.
Willow watched as Spike sauntered into the room with cat- like grace and deposited himself next to her on the couch. He sat there like he didn't have a care in the world, watching her with those smoky blue eyes. She knew he was thinking about something, though his is face gave nothing away.
Willow's eyes drifted lower as she noticed that he was not wearing a shirt. `All that well-muscled, ivory skin exposed to any who dared a peek.' She briefly wondered if looking like that was a special perk reserved for vampires upon being turned. The power, the confidence, the knowledge that if you played all your cards right you could have the world in the palm of your hand. He knew that his body was a work of art and how to use it.
Spike felt her eyes on him and stretched. Raising his arms over his head, he displayed his body for her, like a cat sunning itself. He heard Willow's heartbeat pick up a beat or two as she watched his show. He knew that she was hurting, and he knew that it was easy to manipulate someone in her position.
Spike smiled at Willow as a plan formed in his head. He knew that something else had happened even if Willow wasn't willing to tell him. Something had happened to rub salt in the wound the wolf had left. Has the redhead reached out to her friends only to end up at home with him? Spike smiled as he leaned over and touched Willow cheek.
"You do realize that I know more about heartbreak and betrayal than anyone else. I might be just what you need to take care of this little problem you are having." Spike spoke softly as he made his offer.
Willow lifted her eyes to meet his and froze when she saw the truth in his eyes. He knew what it was like to be betrayed by the one for whom you would give your life. He knew what it was like to lose everything, to end up alone and with no one to turn to. Willow felt her head nodding before she had even really thought about it.
Spike saw the timid nod of her head and pulled her into his arms. He felt her tears soaking his skin and he smiled.
Her `friends' were so unconcerned with Willow that they had pushed her right into his arms and after tonight it would be the last place she would ever want to leave.
~Part: 3~
Spike smiled as he listened to the microwave beep. The scent of warmed blood reached his nose as he heard the creek of the second stair. She was bringing him his dinner. Since the night he had held her while she cried, she had started to do things for him, little things.
The first night that Willow had brought him here, she had warmed his blood and brought it to him. But after that first night it had stopped. Then he had found the clean mug sitting on the counter in front of the microwave, its door ajar and the time set. All he had had to do was grab the container of blood and dump it in the cup and pop it in the microwave. The night after that, though, the cup sat next to the sink and the microwave was not set. The creek of the stairs pulled him from his thoughts. Once she reached the door she knocked softly, waiting for a moment before she opened the door and slipped inside the room. Willow walked over and placed the mug on the bedside stand.
Spike just lay there and watched her as she slipped into his room and placed the mug on the table. He had thought about just letting her leave the cup and go. His demon, however, demanded that he speak. It craved her reaction.
"Red." His voice was a silky whisper that held no sign of sleepiness. He sighed softly as she reacted to his voice. Her surprise was shown in fear and it washed over him in a wave. His demon was sedated by the purity and strength of the emotion. There was just something about the way the magic seemed to help enhance the emotions that she projected.
Willow spun around wide-eyed and looked at the bed. In the darkness of the room she could just make out the smile that danced across his face. Her eyes narrowed and she tried to focus her anger as she spoke.
"Spike, why do you have to keep doing that?" It was something that she felt he was starting to do too regularly. Something about scaring her seemed to appeal to him. `Well duh, he is a demon. Of course he likes to scare people,' a small voice taunted in her head.
He chuckled. She wanted him to think that she was mad about him scaring her. Her voice however, came out sounding more tired then angry. He shook his head and sat up in the bed. Spike made a special show of stretching out his body. He noted her increased heartbeat as the sheet slid down his abdomen and pooled in his lap. Once his hard pale chest was revealed to her wondering eyes she noticed that it seemed to glow in the dim light of the room. Her hands wanted so badly to touch the skin that lay exposed before her. Willow sucked in a deep breath and released it in a shuddering sigh as her feet took her a step closer to the bed.
Spike watched as her eyes drank him in. He could smell the faintest scent of arousal in the air, but it was soon overpowered by her fear and embarrassment. Suddenly, she moved to the door of the room.
"I . . . I need to . . ." she stammered as the phone started to ring. "I need to get the phone," and she bolted out of the room. Her heart was pounding in her chest when she answered the phone.
"Hello," Willow answered, somewhat breathlessly.
"Hey, Wills. I called the dorm and Buffy said you were staying here for a while. What's up?" Xander asked.
"Nothing." Willow knew that she had answered that somewhat hastily. She was trying to come up with something else to say to him when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned to find out what it was and she found Spike walking toward her wearing nothing but a pair of sweats. They were too big for him and hung low on his hips, revealing the fine curve of his hip bones and a light scattering of golden brown hair. . . making her wonder what lay below the waistband of those sweats.
Spike could feel her eyes on him as he entered the room, but he paid her no attention, he walked in and flopped down on the couch. He was listening to the moron trying to get her attention back on him and what he was saying. Spike watched her face, waiting until she raised her eyes to meet his. In the mean time, he tried to match her current facial expression to the emotion that flashed across her face. She liked what she saw. He felt a twinge in his cock as she began to nibble her bottom lip as she continued ogled his body. Her eyes traveled over his stomach and then on to his chest, so smooth, so muscled. His shoulders, his neck, his lips looked so kissable twisted in that bad boy sneer. Sneer! Willow's eyes snapped up just a touch further to find his blue eyes filled with amusement. And that was when Xander's voice broke through the fog in her mind and she felt her face heating up as the realization of being caught sunk in.
Willow felt her throat tighten and her mouth tasted like clay. She managed to recover enough to talk to Xander.
"Yeah, Xand. I'm here." She turned her back to Spike so she could concentrate on what her best friend was saying. "No, I don't feel like the Bronze tonight. No, I'm sure. No, I'm fine. Okay, bye." Willow hung the phone up. She didn't feel like being around people right now. Since Oz left, she felt like she deserved to be alone. No one should care for her. How could anybody love her; she knew what she was. Didn't they?
Spike was disappointed when Willow turned her back on him to finish her call. But once she hung up the phone he felt this wave of despair wash over him, followed by self-loathing. He wondered what she had to hate herself for. He didn't know, but he was going to find out. He had begun this game knowing he could use her to get what he wanted. He hadn't changed his mind about it, but now added to the mix was this fascination he was developing for her, her reactions to things. `Besides,' he told himself, `to really be able to get what I want I'll have to get to know her as well as I can. It also helps pass time.'
"Red, luv?" Willow didn't turn and look at him right away.
She just stood there, her body stiff. Spike stood and moved toward her.
"Willow, what's wrong?" His demon danced in circles as she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Tell me what it is?" his voice was soft, almost coaxing her to believe in him.
Willow just blinked. He almost sounded like he cared, but she knew better. No one really cared about her. She just about jumped out of her skin when his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close.
His body was cool as it brushed against her uncovered flesh, raising goose bumps along her heated skin. He placed her head on his shoulder and just stood there holding her. He could feel his demon calming in response to her being so close. His demon had been on edge since his escape from the commandoes. He chuckled at the path his thoughts had taken. A master vampire didn't think like that about a human. A sire yes, a human no.
Willow tried to pull away. He was laughing at her. "What is so funny?" she asked.
"You." As soon as the word left his mouth Willow began to struggle, trying to remove herself from his grasp. Spike smiled and held her closer. "Here you are, this pretty young lady and you let a wolf and a slayer, not to mention that moron, make you this way, let them make you feel this way about yourself." He didn't want to bring up her parents just yet. Once he began to rub the circles on her back again Willow quieted her struggles and started to talk to him.
"You don't understand. I was this way before. I know what I am; I don't need them or anyone else to remind me of that. I see it every time I look in the mirror." Spike realized that she was talking to herself as much as to him. Willow's voice carried a bit of bitterness, but mostly it reflected that Willow believed what she said as the truth.
Spike just listened to what she had to say and shook his head. This was going to be harder than he thought. When she said those words, he could feel the self-loathing radiating off her. She believed every word she said.
"Okay. Maybe you did feel this way before. If that is really the truth, then tell me who made you feel this way," he said as he began to rub small, comforting circles on her back. Spike felt her relax against him. `She feels so soft and warm.' He felt his body absorbing the heat.
Willow felt herself relax as he continued to stroke small circles on her back. She was okay with this. `Don't panic,' that little voice in her head kept saying while another in her head was screaming, `This is too close.' Willow shifted in his arms and found her thigh rubbing against his semi-erect cock. And that is all it took to make Willow panic. She stepped out of his arms, putting some space between them.
Spike knew the moment she touched his cock that something was wrong. He felt her stiffen and then he felt her shame. Without another word she just stepped away from him.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked. Knowing all too well what was going on.
"No." She shook her head in addition to the statement.
He looked at her pensively for some time before he spoke. "There is nothing wrong with me finding you attractive. You know that right?" Spike made sure he kept his voice soft and low so he wouldn't frighten her any more. When she didn't respond to him he walked over to the cabinet where the liquor was stored. He pulled out the strongest stuff he could find and poured two glasses.
Willow was confused with the knowledge that he had been slightly turned on by touching her. `How could that have happened? What did I do wrong?' She hadn't meant to do that. `How did I do that? Maybe he was thinking of someone else; just hoping that I would shut up and leave him alone. I am such a fool.' Willow was rattled out of her thoughts when he placed a glass in her hand.
"What's this?" she asked, somewhat bewildered. "Something to calm you down so we can talk." Spike lifted his glass to his lips and let the liquor warm him. This was going to be a long night. He finished the glass and went to grab the bottle. Then he took Willow's hand and led her to the couch.
He pulled her down next to him and after he poured himself another glass he shoved the bottle between him and Willow in the crack of the couch cushions.
Willow relaxed when he put the bottle between them. It was a small gesture, but one nonetheless. He was respecting her space, and for that she was grateful. Willow lifted the glass to her lips. She could smell the liquor even before it burned her lips, but still she managed a weak sip.
Spike rolled his eyes. Just his luck it would only take the glass to get her smashed, but it would take the whole night to get it into her. `If that was the case then maybe I should drink faster. Kinda level things out a bit,' he thought as he downed his second glass.
Spike sat quietly next to her until she had finished half of her glass. He knew that it was not a bad thing to give her a few minutes just to settle in. Once she had relaxed more, he started his questions. Like why was the whole house void of any pictures of her or her parents. When was the first time her folks just took off and left her? At first, he had thought that her feelings for herself had started with her friends and than he had seen the house. Now he knew that her folks had more to do with it then her friends. Her friends had just furthered things along was all.
"Where are your folks? How long until they get back?" He asked, adding more of the liquor into both their glasses, which had thus far gone unnoticed by his drinking partner.
"Do you really care? It's not like you can bite them when they arrive home. Besides, I think this time it is a six or eight month hiatus. " She knew that she was being mean, but something about Spike made her forget that he was a demon. And maybe she needed to remind them both of what their situation was before she lost sight of what was going on.
"Luv, you wound me." His voice was soft and smooth. She was angry and hurting, even he could see that. Didn't mean he cared, but he could see it. She wanted to hurt someone else just like she was hurting, strike out at someone. He could do that for her, give her a reason.
"You know, if I was you I wouldn't be pushing away the one person that seems to be here for you right now." His voice was firm. Willow couldn't help it; the laughter broke the barrier of her lips before she had time to register it in her mind. It sounded cold and hollow in the silence of the room. She turned to Spike. Her eyes found his.
"I don't need for you to be here for me. And don't try and pretend that you are here for me. You don't care about me. You care about getting what ever it is in your head that stops your bite out. You care about where your next meal is coming from. Don't try and kid me. I know what you are and what you are here for. What I don't know is . . ." She stopped in mid-rant when she saw his eyes start to flicker yellow and flutter shut. Willow would have sworn that just as his eyes closed that she had heard him groan.
Willow hadn't even gotten two words out of her mouth when Spike felt the anger hit him. It had been so intense, so fresh, wave after wave. He knew that he was about to lose control of the demon. He shut his eyes in order to keep it from escaping further. The demon swayed in tune with the rhythm of her anger as it washed over him during her little speech. He knew she had stopped talking, but he couldn't seem to focus. Her emotions hung in the air like some old bat's expensive perfume. It was hard for him not to be lulled into a trance by it. It just clung to the air, tempting his darker side to emerge and seduce her. Claim her.
"Spike . . .?" Willow knew that something was wrong when he started shaking his head.
Spike tried to shake the fog from his mind. The liquor had only strengthened the emotions, erasing the meager barricades that she had erected. She was not able to hold anything back. He had felt it when he had made her angry. Now he was wondering what else he would feel if he brought out more emotions.
Spike opened his eyes once he had himself back under control. "Then tell me Willow, if you don't need me, why am I here? Why didn't you accept the invite from your friend to go out? Why, the other night, did I have to hold you while you cried? Where were your friends then?"
Willow just sat there. He had called her Willow and it had sounded like heaven tumbling from his lips. She forgot her anger and just looked at him. `How could one word erase my pain?'
"I don't know." She hung her head. `What do I tell him? Do I tell him that they don't feel like friends right now? That I am hurting and want to hurt. Can I tell him that I feel like it is all my fault? Everything is my fault; Oz wouldn't have left if I had been enough for him. Do I tell him that I know what I am? What I am worth?' Instead of saying anything more she just sat there holding her glass and staring at the liquor like it would give her the answers she needed.
After about an hour, and five more glasses, Spike watched Willow finish her first glass that he had been refilling when she wasn't paying enough attention to notice. Spike smiled when she asked for more. When she looked up at him, her face carried just a twinge of red and her eyes were kinda dazed. Willow licked her lips when he finished pouring her glass. Spike reached out and touched her cheek.
"What are you?" he asked. He had been waiting for the right moment to ask. Willow was drunk enough now that he might get an answer.
Willow felt her eyes drift close when he touched her face. Then he spoke, and when the words reached her brain her eyes popped open. She blurted out the first thought that came to her mind.
"Pizza. I mean do you eat pizza? I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat." Without waiting for him to answer she jumped up and went to make the phone call.
Spike just sat there watching her. It seemed as if she would do anything to avoid answering that one little question. `Hmm, I wonder if she would really do anything to not answer that question.' A smile settled on his face and he stood. `Time to find out. I `m a vampire, after all. I have needs.'
Spike walked up behind Willow. He waited for her to finish ordering the pizza. Once she hung up the phone he closed in: an arm on each side holding her in place, but not too tightly; he did want her to be able to turn around.
Willow spun around and came face to face with Spike. She froze. He had this look in his eyes that she had never seen before. It made her knees weak and her breath cling to the back of her throat.
Spike leaned in, pressing his body against hers. He dipped his face into her neck and inhaled her scent.
"What are you?" he whispered against her neck.
Willow was confused. There was something about him that got to her. She wanted to tell him, but she knew she couldn't. It was her deepest, darkest secret. If she told him what she was then she would never be able to deny him anything, ever again. He would have touched a part of her that no one had seen before. Then when he hurt her, like everyone else had, where would that leave her?
Spike could almost feel her mind working. She was thinking about it, but if she were going to tell him it wouldn't be now. So he thought he would give her something else to think about. He leaned back just enough to look her in the eyes.
"I see it in your eyes. You don't want to tell me. So being the good sport that I am, I will make you a deal." Spike moved toward her lips before the thought to bolt even entered the liquor induced fog that clouded her mind. Placing a soft kiss on the edge of her lips, he said, "I won't ask you anymore questions if you let me shag you." He kissed his way to her ear, nibbling on it gently while he waited for an answer.
Willow felt his lips brush against hers and was relived. He wasn't going to pressure her for an answer. His lips felt good against hers. `Could I really just sleep with him?' She had only ever been with Oz, and that had just been a few times, and only because they were in love. Or so she had thought . . .
"Well luv, what's it going to be: 20 questions or a little old roll in the hay?" he mumbled against her neck as he nipped and kissed his way to the sensitive spots she didn't even know that she had.
Willow knew he was playing with her. He was evil after all . . . which would explain the rotten deal: either expose her body to him, or her soul. She chose her body; that she could live through. Willow laced her fingers in the short hairs at the back of his neck and pulled his lips to hers.
Spike was not really surprised that she was willing to kiss him to keep from answering the question, but would she go farther still? He moved one hand around to her back, brining her closer, pressing her body flush against his. His other hand pushed her hair out of her face. He wanted to be able to see her skin as it became flushed with passion that he created in her.
"So you are telling me that you would rather let me shag you senseless then tell me what you think you are?" He asked once he broke the kiss.
"Yes." She answered quickly before she kissed him again, stopping all the chatter.
Willow closed her eyes and gave into the feelings. This was definitely better than talking about herself. One of his hands was in her hair and the other that had been at her back slipped down to cup her ass, grinding her against his hardening cock. She was surprised that it felt so good to be held like this by him. Maybe he had been right when he'd said, `You do realize that I know more about heartbreak and betrayal than anything else. I might be just what you need to take care of this little problem you are having.' Maybe he was just what she needed.
Willow heard Spike groan as pulled away from her. She didn't know why until she heard the doorbell ring again. She went to answer it.
When Spike pulled away from her he could tell that she had
been disappointed. She hadn't wanted it to end. Her hair was tussled
and her shirt was ruffled from where his hand had been exploring.
The top button of her jeans was open and they were slightly unzipped.
`Bloody door bell. Five more seconds and I would have been
in her pants.' He wasn't looking forward to what would happen if she
had any more time to think about this. And he wouldn't have been
amused to see the small pout that had formed on his face. Willow had
never looked more appealing to him than she did now. He could smell
himself on her skin, and he wanted that, and more.
Willow answered the door and gave the pizza boy money for the food.
She shut the door and turned around. Spike took her breath away. His eyes seemed to burn a hole in her with the promise of physical pleasures that he could show her. She watched as he moved toward her, taking the pizza from her hands and dropping it on the floor.
"You don't need that. I'll give you everything you need," he huskily whispered as he pinned her to the door.
Willow found herself pushing back into him as he showed her where he wanted her legs. He may have started to lift her legs, but they locked around him of their own free will. His face was buried in her neck and he was raining soft nips and kisses along her throat. Willow found herself grinding down against him. She thought for a second that her world was moving until she heard Spike growl again.
Someone was knocking on the door.
"Get rid of them and meet me upstairs in my room. You've got five minutes." He grabbed the pizza off the floor and walked up the stairs. His tone had been soft, but there was no mistaking that it had been a demand. She wondered why that seemed to make her that much more compelled to comply.
Willow opened the door and found Xander standing on the front porch.
"Hey, Wills." He flashed her that shy smile that he had been showing her since their first day of first grade.
"Xander." Willow said nervously as she glanced behind her. "What do you . . . what are you doing here?"
That was when Xander noticed the way she looked. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were hardly on her.
"What is going on, Wills?" He stepped up to the door, but she didn't move to let him in.
"Nothing is going on. I was just getting ready to take a bath and go to bed." Willow glanced over her shoulder again.
"Oh." Xander said and stepped back. "I just thought I would stop by and see if you are okay. I've been worried about you." He had hoped that his concern for her would earn him an invite inside of the house. Instead she moved to block the door opening more.
"I am fine. I will talk to you later. I need to stop my water before the tub over flows," she said somewhat distractedly.
"Yeah, okay," he said not convinced that she was telling him the truth, but since Oz had left she had been acting weird. So decided to let it go for now, but he would stop back later to see if she was acting any better.
"Okay. Bye." Willow closed the door. She didn't know how long that took, but she was sure it had been close to the five minute mark. Willow turned and headed up the stairs. She didn't want to take longer then a few minutes to get rid of Xander. Nobody but her knew that Spike was back in town. Willow knew that if she didn't go up the stairs that Spike would come back down, and Xander was the last person she wanted to see Spike in her parents' house alone with her.
After Spike had kidnapped Willow for the love spell to win Dru back, Xander had been over to her house one night so she could help him with his homework and he had found her dairy. He had been only joking about reading it but as he was flipping the pages he had come across the page where Willow had talked about what happened while Xander was unconscious. How Spike had showed his love for Dru
and how the redhead might not mind if someone loved her like that. Xander had been furious at her for it. He had made the point clear that he did not understand and would not understand no matter what she said on the matter. And right now Spike made her feel something other then just pain. Unlike when she was around Buffy and Xander. They were happy in their lives right now and when they looked at her, Willow could see the pity in their eyes.
Xander stood on the porch and waited for Willow's bedroom light to come on. He stood there for almost ten minutes. When the light didn't come on he knew something was up. He and Willow had been friends longer than he had been friends with anyone, and he knew when something was wrong with his best friend. Willow was a bad liar; that was for sure. It also didn't help his suspicions the way she looked when she answered the door. Someone was in the house with her and she was willingly covering for who ever it was. And that just wasn't like Willow. Xander didn't know for sure what was going on, but he was going to find out. It was time to go to Giles and Buffy with his suspicions. Had Willow lied to them all about why Oz had left? Was she messing around on the side with someone other than Oz again? Had the wolf finally had enough and taken revenge with the she-wolf before he left? He hoped not, but maybe that was who was in the house with her. That would explain why she wouldn't let him in.
~Part: 4~
Spike lay across the bed and listened to Willow get rid of the boy. He could feel her nervousness. She didn't know he could hear her softly spoken words as she assured the moron that she was okay and then dismissed him. Spike heard the click of the door closing.
Willow stood with her back against the door as she tried to calm her raging heart. Her emotions danced around in her head. She knew Spike was waiting for her. `But can I do it?' Just as she was about to answer the question, Spike came into view at the top of the stairs.
"Grab something to drink and get up here. The pizza is getting cold." His voice was soft, but commanding.
Willow found herself thinking, `There it is again. When he talks to me like that I can feel something deep inside me stirring.' Willow hadn't noticed that her feet had already answered him by moving her toward the doorway to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water and some napkins. Without any hesitation she walked to his bedroom door. She paused. `Should I knock?'
"Come in, Red. Ya know I can't bite." His voice was annoyed. But if you really listened you knew it wasn't because of her; it was because he knew he couldn't bite her.
Willow opened the door and walked into the room. The lights were off and a few scattered candles provided light. Spike sat on one edge of the bed with the pizza in the middle.
"Well, come on in. You have nothing to fear." A sneer covered his fine features as his eyes raked over her body.
Willow stood in the doorway eyeing him skeptically. "Why start lying to me now?" she asked as she moved to sit on the bed, making sure to keep the pizza between them. Willow made no move to look at him; she just opened the pizza box and started to pull a piece free.
Spike smiled. She was right, there was nothing to lie about. He wanted to give her something to fear. He loved the taste her fear left in his mouth. Spike reached out and stopped her hand that was holding the pizza slice.
"You're quite right. Why lie? You have everything to fear. I want hurt to you. But most of all I want you to crave the pain. The taste of your emotions scalds the tip of my tongue and delights my senses. Leaving me wanting to beg for more. The way your body heats up when I touch it makes me welcome the fires of hell. I wonder; will I be able to stand the heat that radiates off you once I am inside of you?"
He released her hand and slid his own up her arm, raising a strip of goose bumps that caused Willow to shiver.
His voice was a soft sexual purr. It was like nothing Willow had ever heard. She had always wondered how she would react if she ever had someone talk to her like that. Now she knew. Her insides went soft. The touch of his hand was like grabbing a hold of a red hot poker. It sent a flood of sensations through her body.
Spike hid the smile that threatened to give him away as she reacted to his soft words and gentle touch. He knew from experience that she liked the feelings he brought out in her. At the same time, she hated herself for letting him affect her, what she saw as a weakness.
"Pizza?" Willow held up a piece. "Want something to eat?" Her breath was coming slightly faster.
"Yes, I would love something to eat." He took the piece she had offered and dropped it back in the box. Closing the lid he moved the box on the bedside stand.
Willow sat as still as a stone. She knew now that he had set her up. The low lights, the pizza in the middle of the bed. He had wanted her to feel welcomed into the room. But once she was inside the rules had changed. Now it was back to business. Willow knew without a shadow of a doubt where this was heading.
Spike watched her posture as he removed the pizza from the bed. She knew what he wanted and had tried to forget it, but being the demon he was, he couldn't let that happen. He moved completely onto the bed and reached out for her.
When Willow saw him remove the pizza box she knew that she had been had. Willow knew he wanted to continue where they had left off before the pizza and Xander had interrupted them. For one brief moment Willow thought that if she had complained about being hungry he might just let her eat, and then she would have more time to think about what was going to happen. But then she knew he wouldn't care. `Hell, he can probably hear my tummy growl.' Even with the reservations that she had about this, she moved into his arms.
Spike smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder. Willow was a work of art and he knew that if he just took the time to puzzle her out she would be worth the effort. He tipped her face back and kissed her lips. The kiss was tender, but he knew that she wasn't really thinking about kissing him.
"Do you want to talk instead?" he asked.
Willow knew that he wanted her there with him. Not lost in her thoughts. Spike wanted an active partner, and she knew that what Spike wanted he usually got. There was something in the air that surrounding him told her that. Willow also knew that it was going to happen, and it had to be good or he might want to talk when it was over.
Spike knew that she didn't have much experience and that he would have to guide her through this. His demon was dancing around in his head whispering all sorts of words of encouragement.
This time when their lips met Willow seemed to be trying desperately to please him. Her lips mimicked his, touching and tasting. She was plying his lips with her own so aggressively that Spike almost didn't have to kiss her back. In fact, he briefly wondered if she would notice if he didn't. He felt Willow move her body closer to his, her fingers tracing patterns on his bare chest. He started to wonder if he would have to rethink his assumed role as teacher due to her increasingly enthusiastic responses.
Spike placed one arm beneath her and holding her to him while the other rested on her hip. He knew they were about to cross a thin line here. He didn't want to frighten her off, but he also wanted her with him, actively participating in some other way than just wanting to get it over with. She just felt too good in his arms for him to want this to end too soon. He was thinking too much about this, about her. It was a time for action. Spike rolled them over, pinning Willow under him.
Willow thought her heart would explode in her chest when he changed their positions. There was no backing out now. She knew that he wouldn't let her just walk away from this, or from him. So she stopped thinking and dumped all that she was into this one act.
Spike knew she was still thinking about a way out of this, but when she met his lips her kiss held so much passion. She wanted to please anyone who would take the time to notice her, and notice her he had. Maybe not in the way she wanted, but he had noticed her all the same. He had come to her for help. And that one small act had brought her to this culmination point. He just hoped the rest of the ride went as well.
Spike slipped his hand up under her shirt along her back and unclasped her bra. He didn't dare tear her clothes off of her like he wanted to. He wanted more of this. More of her. Besides, there would be time for that later. He slid the shirt up with his exploration of her back. Her skin seemed to hold an incredible amount of heat. No matter where he touched her, her flesh seemed to radiate it. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be with a human.
Willow knew that this was not the worst thing that could have happened between the two of them. Spike had decades of experience in this department. But still, she just wanted it over. Wanted him to finish and leave her alone. She was still struggling with the fact that he wanted her. Nobody really wanted her. So she didn't understand what made him want to do this with her. She was afraid that he might get close enough to see inside her, like the physical intimacy could become emotional enough to reveal her secrets without her even having to open her mouth. Then all thoughts vanished from her head as his fingers brushed one of her nipples. His lips had left her slightly bruised lips and were now worrying her earlobe.
Willow felt him tug her shirt and bra over her head and toss them past her somewhere. She closed her eyes tight. She didn't want to see the look on his face the first time he saw her. If he stayed with her after this was over he would get used to the way she looked. Spike felt her tense and squeeze her eyes shut when he removed her bra. She really had no idea how beautiful she was. She had never stepped out of the shadows of those around her, so she never had a chance to see how truly mouth watering she really was.
"You are beautiful," he whispered against her skin and he made a path from her ear down her neck. "You make me want to taste all of you."
Willow felt one of his hands slip into her jeans to cup her cotton-clad bottom. His hands were cool against her heated skin. She tried to block out his words. She knew he didn't mean them. No one ever did. She was just a convenience. He just didn't want her to run from him. Willow didn't notice that a hand was pushing her jeans down her legs until she felt his foot help tug them off, leaving her clothed in nothing but her underwear.
Spike took a moment to look at her body. The supple curves of her breasts were now covered in a rose blush. He noticed the way her body stiffened as appraised her.
Willow knew the moment his eyes sought her flesh. She always knew when some one was looking at her, even if it was just a passing glance. An alarm bell would go off in her head and she would retreat. But in this case, she knew that if she made a move to cover herself Spike would say something. This would go smoother if she just laid back and let it happen.
"Why is it that you would hide such a beautiful body under so many ugly clothes?" he huskily asked right before he ran his fingers down her stomach and across the thin cotton of her underwear. He kissed the corner of her lips softly before beginning a trail of whispered kisses along her jaw.
`Yup, just like that,' a voice whispered in her head. `He is good. Do you feel that?' All the while a shy little voice in a tiny dark corner of her mind stated `He is a demon. He can't care about me. No one ever does, not really. There is something wrong with me. He just doesn't care. When he doesn't need me any more he will get rid of me.' Willow was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize he had started to pull away from her until she was alone on the bed. She looked up at him, the confusion clearly written all over her face.
Spike watched her face as the realization set in that he had moved off the bed and away from her. He watched her hands as they clutched the bedspread. At first there was just confusion on her face. Then Spike felt his knees go weak as the emotions poured off her. He tried desperately not to fall when he was hit by the first wave of anger. All he could see was red. Then he was swept under by the tidal wave of panic that hit him. He was desperately trying to shake off her emotions as he saw her bolt toward the door.
Willow didn't know he was behind her until she felt his arms wrap around her. He spun her around and pinned her to the door with his lean body.
"You're not going anywhere." His voice was low and husky. "I won't let you hide yourself from me anymore. Do you understand?"
Willow turned her face away from him. She was so scared of what was going to happen so she closed her eyes and waited.
Spike knew that she had misinterpreted what had happened. Now it was time to set things straight. He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her to face him.
"Did you hear me?"
Willow just stared at him.
"You will not hide yourself from me anymore. Do you understand?" He asked again.
Willow could only nod. This was all so new to her. She didn't know what to think of it all.
Spike knew this was a lot for her to take in, so he had better make her understand what he was saying with actions and not just words. He reached down and pulled the tie on the sweats he was wearing. Since they were at least two sizes to big they slid easily down over his hips. He stepped between Willow legs and out of the sweats, lifting her legs around his waist as he moved to support her weight.
When Willow felt the cold skin of his legs as he forced his way between hers, her eyes opened wider. She was surprised to find his eyes filled with hunger. When he lifted her legs up and around his waist she locked her arms around his shoulders, pulling him in closer and helping him to balance her weight better.
Spike carried Willow back to the bed. He didn't let go of her, just braced their descent with one arm as he laid them both on the bed.
Without meaning to, Willow rolled her hips against Spike as he was laying them on the bed. She could feel his hard member pressing against her and she sucked in a shuttering breath. `He still wants me?' That one question echoed around in her mind until she felt him shift his weigh to make room for his hand to snake down and tear her panties off. Willow opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but Spike took the opportunity to stop her by kissing her.
Willow resigned herself to what had to be done. She wanted this over. She wanted to go back to her own room, somewhere she felt safe. Somewhere she was alone and didn't have to worry about what other people thought of her. She was only doing this so he would stop asking her so many questions. Why did he care what she was? She closed her eyes and tried hard not to think of where his hands and mouth were and what they were doing.
Spike broke the kiss. He looked at her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she was still, unmoving.
"We don't have to do this, you know? If you want to walk out of here now then all you have to do is tell me what you are." His voice was low and gravely, but he never made a move to release her.
When she made no move to try and get away from him, he settled himself between her warm inviting thighs. He returned his attention to kissing a wet path along her jaw until he reached her ear.
Willow sucked in a quick breath when he pulled her earlobe into his mouth, worrying it with his blunt teeth. Willow felt her body tighten in response to his touch. `How was it possible that a demon could trigger such uncontrolled body movement?' she thought as she watched her hand curl into the short hairs along his neck without her wanting to.
Spike wanted to smile, but couldn't find it within himself to do it. He knew she wanted him. He could smell her arousal; feel her juices coating his cock as he rubbed against her core. But she just wasn't willing to let go of whatever it was that held her back. He could feel her hand on the back of his head and the one that was around his waist. They were there, but that was about it. He could feel a tiny spark of anger beginning to glow within him. He never intended to not give her any pleasure. As a matter of fact, he wanted to bring her to the brink with him, but she seemed to be refusing herself any joy from his actions.
Willow felt his lips as they tickled and caressed her neck and collar bone. She never meant to, but when his tongue circled her nipple, teasing her, her body jerked and she gasped in pleasure.
"Tell me you want this." It wasn't a question; it was a demand. And he spoke the demand like he had all the confidence she would say yes. Willow briefly wondered if she could deny him.
"I want this," she whispered openly obeying what he had demanded.
"This?" he questioned as he rubbed his cock against her wetness.
"Yes." Willow didn't want to look in his eyes as she admitted that she wanted what he was going to do to her. She knew that it was wrong; she shouldn't be here like this, with him.
Spike shifted his position slightly as he pressed the head of his cock deeper against her sopping core.
Willow knew he was playing with her. He wanted something more from her than what she was capable of giving. The redhead knew that if she didn't get some kind of control over what was happening he was going to really get to her. Every time he touched her she could feel something growing inside of her. A part of her wanted this, wanted everything he could show her, and that frightened her like nothing ever had before. She couldn't let herself fall. Without another thought she thrust her hips up, sinking his cock deep into her.
Spike groaned as he felt her take what little control she could and sink his cock inside of her. He felt himself starting to lose himself in the feel of her.
Being inside of her was better than he thought it would be. She was all heat and passion. Even if she didn't know it, he could feel it swirling inside of her. She just didn't know what to do with all that was in her. Which was okay, he was willing to teach her. A low growl escaped him before he could stop it. Her warmth was something he had not really been ready for, so inviting. Her walls stretched to accommodate him.
He was trying not to hurt her. He had to remember the chip in his head. He was still unsure of what would make it activate. It had been so long since he had been with a human that he was a little concerned that he might hurt her without meaning to.
Once he felt Willow move against him his thoughts became fragmented. All he could do was feel her. He pulled back and pushed back in. He had never felt anything like it. Her body seemed to glow from a fire within. She was different from any other human that he had run across and now he knew it for certain.
Spike began a slow rhythm; he wanted to savor this moment, the feel of her skin. For a brief moment he wondered what it would be like if she really wanted him. Then he dismissed the thought and captured her mouth in a kiss. One day soon he would have her begging him to touch her.
Willow wanted to understand why she felt this way. With every movement he made inside of her, her body would quiver. She had never felt anything like this. She wanted to give in, wanted to let him lead the way. Willow wanted to give herself to him.
Spike felt her emotions raging inside her. She wanted this, he knew she did, but still she denied what was happening. Then he felt her control weaken and he picked up his pace. He wanted her to come with him. He saw her eyes flutter open. There were so many emotions flashing in her eyes. He knew then that with the right amount of time he could break her, make her his. Touch her in a way that nobody had.
He was so close. He could feel her body surging toward an orgasm, and then he felt her stiffen and shut herself off. `What the bloody hell is she doing?' He looked into her eyes and saw a flash of something she was desperately trying to hide. He realized that she saw this as a punishment; thought that she didn't deserve the pleasure. That thought made him angry. `Why is she doing this?' he wondered.
Willow tried to stop herself, but it was so hard. What he was doing to her body was more than she could handle. He was being sweet and kind and she found that her body wanted that, wanted him. With that thought in mind she panicked and shut herself down just as the first signs of her orgasms started to take effect. The intense sensations stirring on the inside of her scared her. The last thing Willow saw before she shut her eyes were his flashing yellow as he tried to control the anger within.
He knew that if he stopped now and tried to talk to her he wouldn't get anywhere. So he pushed forward toward his own release. When this was over he would think about it and find a way to make her understand, make her give into what he wanted from her. For now, he would just take what he needed.
Willow felt Spike's movements speed up and then heard a soft growl escape his lips as his cool seed spilled from him into her core. After he had himself under control he moved to her off her and laid on his side, pulling her to him he spooned against her. He need time to think.
She was a confusing woman. He knew what had happened. She had refused to take any pleasure from what they were doing. Oh, she had been a willing participant; she just had not been willing to take anything he had to offer. Spike let his eyes drift shut as he contemplated what to do with the fiery little redhead that he now held in his arms.
Willow listened for what seemed to be forever for a sign; any sign that would tell her that it was safe to leave the bed, that the prone body that lay behind her was safely asleep. Willow knew that it had been more than an hour, but still she wasn't sure if he was asleep or just lying there. With the whole dead body thing he had going it was just too hard to tell. She shrugged her shoulders and realized that he didn't move. Willow took a deep breath and started to pull herself free of his arms.
Spike felt her moving and stayed still until she was almost free. Then with one swift movement he grabbed her and pinned her back onto the bed with one hand holding her arms above her head. He looked her right in the eye.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I . . . I thought that we were done here." She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away form his.
Spike moved so that he was nestled between her legs. "We are far from done here. I do believe that we have some unfinished business, don't you?"
~Part: 5~
"Where are you going?" Spike asked.
"I . . . I thought that we were done here." She couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from his. As Willow stared back, she noticed something new. There was now a look of determination in them that made her shudder.
Spike moved her so that her back was nestled against his side, her head resting against his chest. His arms held her with enough force that she couldn't get away and yet without enough pressure to cause her pain. "We are far from done here. I do believe that we have some unfinished business, don't you?"
Willow had a startled look on her face. "Wh . . . what do you mean? I thought you were done." Her voice grew angrier with every word she spoke. Willow began to try and free herself from his embrace. "What more could you want? I gave you what you asked for," she exclaimed.
Spike just laughed mockingly at her. "Listen to yourself. You thought I was done. I never meant for this to be all about me. I wanted you to be there with me. I wanted to see your face as it shone with passion." His voice trailed off as her struggling slowed.
`What was the point if she didn't enjoy what I did to her body? It wouldn't matter later if she saw what had happened between us as only for my benefit. If I allow her to keep her distance then what would be the point? I want to be able to show her how far she had fallen just to be in my arms. I want her to crawl to me on her hands and knees; to beg for my touch. To live for my kiss,' he thought to himself. `If she doesn't come while I am deep inside her I might as well not bother.' He shrugged off his romantic thoughts, he didn't like where they were taking him. He wasn't going to get attached to the redhead.
"I didn't want to take anything from you; I wanted to share something with you. I wanted you to feel as beautiful as I see you as being, but you refused to give me that. Why?" He wasn't stupid; he knew what kind of talk it took to get a girl where he wanted her.
Willow stayed silent. She didn't know what to say. She had thought that he only wanted to get off. She hadn't known that he wanted to share the experience with her. "Why would you want me to come? You got what you needed from me."
"Not really, I could have come by myself and ended up feeling the same way I did when we were done. There is something magical about bringing the person you are with as much pleasure as you are taking."
Spike didn't need for her to tell him that she hadn't had the pleasure of a real orgasm. Either the wolf hadn't taken the time to show her what it was like or she had denied the boy as well. And the wolf hadn't known the difference, which only made Spike want to show her the light a little bit more. He may not have been her first lover, but he would be the first one buried in her while her body shook with pleasure. There were so many other things that he was going to be the first to show her, but he needed to get her to take the first step.
He wanted her to believe what he was telling her so he moved down on the bed so they were face to face. "I could have raped you and got the same pleasure as you let me have. If you can't take what is given to you then what would you do if you didn't have a choice? Forced pleasure is still pleasure . . . I don't know what made you think that you weren't worthy of the pleasure I was trying to give you, but I didn't want it that way. I wanted you to enjoy me as much as I was enjoying you."
He brushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Showing her some tenderness just might start to unravel her. He knew that he would get to her faster if he was tender with her. It was written all over her face. Later on, he could gradually add the pain until it was a blurred line for her. She didn't need to be aware of what he intended for her until she was already lost to him.
Willow couldn't seem to breathe. When Spike told her that he could have just raped her . . . He didn't have to care about what she thought. He didn't have to want to share anything with her, but for some reason he did. And without realizing it, the crude truth of the matter touched Willow.
No one had ever really wanted to share something with her. Her parents had raised her, but hadn't wanted to really share their lives with her. They had left her to her own devices when she was a mere child. She had friends, but they always made her feel as if she was somehow lacking.
Without knowing it, she moved closer to him. It was a small move, but one that started her down a path toward Spike. One from which, when she realized where it would take her, she wouldn't be able to turn back. She would be forever changed by the things that would happen between the two of them. It all would be set in stone long before any actions were ever taken.
"Let me tell you a story. One that I don't share with many. Back before I became a vampire I was a lot like you. I was shy and kept to myself. I liked to write and was in love with this girl that didn't live too far from me. I was trying to catch her eye by being myself. So I took a big chance and told her how I felt in something I wrote. I had tried to capture all the things I was feeling for her with words from my heart. When I read it to her, she laughed at me in front of all the other people at the party. She said that I was beneath her, that I didn't deserve her attention. I was crushed. I didn't know what to do so I ran away. I didn't feel like I had a right to feel anymore. I wanted to rip the heart that was still beating out of my chest. I wanted to die. Little did I know that my wish had already been granted."
Willow listened to him tell her about his past. And she felt herself understanding. The way his voice had started strong and sure at the beginning of the story, then, as he neared the end, it had become soft and more reflective, as if he was whispering the secret of his life to her. She knew he was telling her something that he had meant to take to his grave. Well, his second grave anyway. Something small kindled inside of her, barely noticeable. It didn't roar to life, but slowly flickered and flamed into existence.
"I ran so far and so long that I didn't know where I was. The words that she had said to me were still echoing around in my mind and the tears flowed down my face. I was stumbling around in an alley when I heard this voice. It was so soft and sweet that I didn't know I was in harms way until the dark haired beauty had me in her arms."
Willow knew who he was talking about without him even having to utter his sire's name, but it slipped from her lips anyway. "Drusilla."
Spike stopped his story and turned, pulling Willow closer. "Yeah, Dru. She turned me that night in that dirty alley. She tore out my human heart and filled my shell with a demon. It wasn't until later that Dru told me she had been watching me that night as I left the party. She had followed me until I stumbled into the alley. She said that my sorrow had called to her. She knew nothing of kindness. Angelus had driven her mad long before he had turned her. She had seen an unhappy man and had wanted to take away his pain, but instead she had brought me to a place where I was not welcomed, and hadn't wanted to be. When she had taken me home to meet her dear daddy." Willow could hear the bitterness in his voice as he brought Angel . . . not Angel . . . Angelus, into his story.
"Angelus had raged. He started smashing things and had the minions take me to the basement. I could hear him yelling at Dru, telling her how she had made another mistake and he would be left to clean up after her. He was tired of it and this time he was going to teach her a lesson. I heard him drag chains across the room and then her screams as he chained her up. At first I tried to break free to save her. Then I heard her begging him for more. Even in the basement I could smell her blood on the air. I could smell something that told my demon that she wanted what he was doing to her. I heard the sound of skin on skin and grunts of pleasure. Then she had screamed in pleasure. He had beaten her and then fucked her like an animal, and she had loved it."
Willow looked at his face. His brow was crunched together in a frown. He emotions carefully guarded. She felt like he didn't want her to see how deeply this was affecting him to tell her this.
"Then he left her upstairs and came for me. I had been left chained to the wall, waiting for him to show me the kind of lesson that he had just given his childe. He showed me what it meant to be beaten. I was stabbed and cut. As matter of fact, one cut ran from my groin to my ankle and was about two inches deep. It was a good thing that Dru had fed me before she had taken me to meet him or I would have died that first night."
As he continued with on with his story he felt Willow change position in his arms, just enough to stoke his head in a comforting gesture. He had to struggle to keep from smiling at her as she moved his head to her chest. She was falling for his story of woe just like he knew she would. No point in telling her the real truth; only what he needed to get her where he wanted her. He wouldn't tell her how much it had turned him on to hear Dru scream, or how delicious the smell of her blood had mixing with Angelus' come had taunted and teased his new vampire senses. Or the way it had turned him on to see his own blood dripping from the wounds Angelus had made. The blond wouldn't tell her these things until she was his and she was where he had been the night Dru had come to save him from Angelus' blade.
"I could hear Angelus talking to Darla the next night. They stood on the stairs to the basement, just out of my sight. She had told him to kill me and get it over with. After all, he could find anyone to play with and I couldn't be anything worth having around; I was born from Angelus' insane childe, after all. Darla never cared much for Dru. The dark haired vampire had always taken too much of Angelus' time. That night when Angelus came to see me he had planed on killing me, but first he wanted to torture me some more. Angelus wanted to make sure that I knew I was worth nothing before I died, that I knew who was in control. And before the night was over, I did. He came in and laid a black bag on the table in front of me, grinning.
`I am going to peel every piece of skin off your body and then I am going to stake you out to meet the sun,' Angelus had said as he peeled the first chunk of skin off my chest. I had tried not to, but I screamed and I screamed. He had gotten almost all of my chest done when Darla came down the stairs. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were torn. She had a look of fear on her face that told a story all its own and told him to stop."
Willow couldn't help herself; she had to know. "Why?"
Spike laughed. Willow noticed that it had a bitter sound to it. "Dru was upstairs killing minions and when Darla had tried to stop Dru turned on her. Dru had this way about her that when you got between her and something she wanted she would tear you apart just to show you that she was strong. Angelus had done so much damage to Dru that sometimes she would just let the insane part of her take over. It was as if her past had swallowed her whole, and once she fell into that place she was almost sane. It was a horrifying part of her that was hidden away. She was never sane like you or me, but she had her mind on something and no one could take it away from her. She would do anything to keep it. It was how she acted when it came to her dolls. I think that is how she kept them all that time; she never forgot about them.
Darla had just managed to get down the stairs with her unlife. She had two huge gashes in her back from Dru, who had busted a chair and used the leg to try and stake her."
Spike couldn't help himself; he had to chuckle at the memory. Dru had come to his rescue. It was the small part of her that had demanded his devotion for almost a century, and it was only by diluting the truth that made it come to the fore.
"Dru wanted her boy back and this time she wasn't taking no for an answer. Darla gave in and stopped Angelus because she knew that no one could stop Dru if she really wanted something; not even her dear daddy could restrain her when she was in one of these moods. Dru carried me up the stairs and took me to her room. She nursed me back to health. That is the main reason I stayed with her all those years; she cared enough about me to save my unlife. And as the years came and went I learned how to control her and her moods."
Willow listened to the words he spoke as if they were magic. It had been a long time since someone spoken to her. Not at her, but to her. Spike was even telling her something that had hurt him, something that changed him.
"After a while Angelus and Darla accepted me, mostly because I took care of Dru; which was a bonus for them because that meant she wasn't always their problem to deal with. And I kept them company in their bed on those long days." As he finished his story there was a soft fondness to his voice.
"Do you miss them?" Willow asked when he stopped talking.
Spike laughed a deep rolling laugh. It shattered the silence in the room. Willow had never heard anything like it. She had never had someone's laugh send shivers up her spine. It left her with a feeling of emptiness, like she was missing something.
"I miss the family that I thought we had. I miss being a part of something that was bigger me." Spike felt Willow snuggle closer and nod her head. It wasn't that she was seeking his comfort, but hiding from his understanding.
"That is why you became a member of the Scoobies, isn't it? Because you were tired of being afraid and alone?" He knew the answer before he even asked the question. "Got tired of your parents leaving you alone in this house?"
When he had first walked into the house he had felt the emptiness. It wasn't like the other homes in which he had sought entrance into only to slaughter the family that lived there. He had been able to feel the love from the outside of those homes. He hadn't felt anything here other than a void. The moment he had entered this house he had gained a small glimpse into what her life must have been like as a child. Even his mother had taken the time to love him. He knew that. Willow's mother hadn't done that and that was when everything clicked.
He knew how he was going to get to her. All he had to do was show her that there was a place for her with him, give her someplace to belong where she wasn't outshined; someplace where she felt like she was the center. He knew that it was something she had never experienced before and it would be her undoing. He would make sure of that.
Willow could only nod an answer to his question. He knew more than she wanted him to, but still not all of it. For some reason she felt like he would understand at least this part of what had happened to her. After all, if his story was true than something kinda similar had happened to him. He hadn't been wanted when Dru had brought him home and yet he had found his place.
"Why don't we get some sleep and then we can look at this with fresh eyes in the morning. What do you think?"
Willow nodded against his chest. And then began to try and remove herself from his embrace.
"No, luv. From now on you will sleep with me, no matter where we are." His voice was firm.
Willow hadn't thought that far ahead. She had assumed that he was in the mood for one night. But now she knew that things were out of her hands, and there wasn't much she would be able to do to stop it. The redhead knew she wasn't going to get her way no matter what she said, and he was only talking about sleep this time. The one thing she hated the most was waking up alone. So she lay back down in bed and let her eyes drift shut.
Spike wasn't stupid; he knew there would be more to it than just this. But if he could at least get her to start trusting him with the little things then he would be able to get the rest of it out of her at some point. All he had to do was be there for her, no matter what. Something she had been missing in the past.
He wasn't a fool. He knew what she needed and was willing to give it to her if in the end it got him what he wanted. And what he wanted right now was a warm bed and blood. Some of the time he might get lucky enough for her to get him human blood. And someday soon it would be her blood he was drinking. It was all a part of the plan. He had to admit that, if things worked out the way he wanted, there was a small part of him that was looking forward to keeping her with him for a very long time.
~Part: 6~
Spike lay there for a long time, just listening to Willow's even breathing. It slowed, it evened out, but he knew she had yet to fall asleep. She was thinking about what he had told her. He swore he could almost hear her thinking. Besides, her emotions never seemed to quiet until she began to fall asleep. They were always swirling around her until that moment just before she began to dream. And then they would surge again as she fell into whatever dream she was having. Some nights he would stand in her doorway and feed off the emotions that rolled off her as she dreamt. He had only been here for few weeks, that he had been here, but watching her dream had been too much of a temptation for him to resist; he was still evil, after all.
Spike knew most people believed that when you became a vampire you stopped feeling anything but the basic, base emotions. This may be true for most demons, but Spike was different. He had been drawn to her for a reason . . . she held the same range, the same depth of emotions that he did. He had always felt that there was something wrong with him since he still felt his emotions swirling around inside him after he was dead, but he hadn't dared to talk to anyone about it. He knew that Angelus would have seen it as a sign of weakness. So the blond had buried them.
Willow's mind was so bright and sharp, he was sure that she wouldn't miss the hidden points that he had been trying to make with his story. Spike had wanted to give her time to mull over his words before he went in for the kill. He wanted her to feel like he had opened up to her, that he had given her a glimpse of the man and the demon. He had hoped that she would drift off to sleep and give him some time to plan. But she hadn't. She lay in his arms breathing evenly, but her body refused to relax. So he would place the next layer on now while she thought she was fooling him into thinking that she was asleep.
"Do you know why I was so broken when I came back to Sunnyhell after Dru left me? Do you know why I was so torn apart by what she had done, why I was so mindless when I kidnapped you?"
Willow didn't answer him in words. She knew she didn't have to. The redhead should have known that she wasn't fooling him into thinking that she was asleep. As soon as he spoke, her body had stiffened and he began to rub circles on her back, letting her know that he had felt her body's reaction to his voice.
"Do you know what it's like to give yourself to someone who doesn't care? Someone who only cared for themselves, who did things that tore you apart from the inside?" he asked again, his voice harder this time.
Willow knew she was going to have to answer him as the tears formed in her eyes. He didn't know about Oz or the pain the wolf had given her, but he did know a little of what had happened between her and Xander. He had, after all, kidnapped them right in the middle of that whole mess. The blond that held her close wasn't going to let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. He was going to know, one way or another.
"Yeah," she said softly, her voice caught as the tears she was holding back showed in her voice.
"Do you really?" He almost grunted the words in disbelief. How could she really know of the pain that accompanied the betrayal of a lover?
Willow shifted her head from his shoulder so she could look at him. "Yeah, I get it." As the words spilled from her mouth they carried a bitter edge to them. "After what Dru did to save you in the beginning, and the way you took care of her after Angelus and Darla left, she repaid you by leaving you. It must have torn you apart. You must have thought she cared, really cared, only to have her leave you in the end."
Spike grunted. He wanted to tell her all of it; even the truth. So he did. He told her about all the times he had caught the scent of another lover on Dru; about how he had made a fool of himself with her time and time again by trying to win his dark goddess' devotion, when there was nothing there to win. He told her how deep it had struck him when she hadn't come from his touch; how that had torn him up inside. He hadn't been enough to satisfy Dru, and then she hadn't wanted to share in the pleasure he was trying to give.
It had been a blow that he wouldn't forgive. He wanted to tear the redhead apart for it, to rip her to pieces. Wanted to wear her blood like a coat, but he didn't. Not because of the chip, but because he thought there was hope for her. Once the words had started to spill form his mouth he couldn't seem to stop them. He told her more than he ever meant to.
"Do you know that while I was healing, the day after she saved me, she went to Angelus? Let him shag her along the hallway wall outside of our room where everyone in the house could see or hear them. I lay there in the bed, listening to their grunts and the banging of her body against the wall, skin and muscle knitting back together, and she let him pound into her while I could do nothing but listen. It took a long time for me to see that I meant nothing more to her than one of her bloody dolls; something for her to play with when it suited her. She had taken up with more different lovers than a paid whore."
Willow felt the anger in him, the way his hands started to rub harder circles on her back as he slipped into the distant past. He was being blinded by the feelings that were swamping him.
"I was so innocent, even after she turned me. I wanted to believe that there was someone out there who could love me as much as I needed to be loved. Angelus made a point of making a fool of me whenever he could. He didn't love Dru like I did. He only fucked her because he knew it drove me mad." Spike let the emotions swamp him.
Willow felt his body begin to shake as he talked. She reached for his head and pulled him toward her neck. She could feel her walls start to crumble. She wanted to panic. `How was he doing it? For years these walls have stood strong. No one had come as close to breaking them as the vampire I hold in my arms now.' Willow felt a fear swelling up inside of her like nothing she had felt before as she tucked his head in the column of her neck.
The redhead couldn't look at him, not when he this close to her. She had felt the same things he was talking about. Stroking the back of his head, she wanted to offer him comfort. She wanted to erase the pain in him just as badly as she wanted to give away her own pain, but she knew better. If she gave away her pain, then how would she know that she was alive?
He had told her that she could give away her pain. That he would take it. She wanted them both to be free of the things that haunted them. It had been too long since she hadn't been forced to walk alone. Come to think of it, she had always walked alone. She had Xander as a child, and then when they first had become teens, but once Buffy had come into the picture Willow had felt things starting to change. It was then that things had started to spiral out of control. Buffy and Angel, she and Xander, Giles and Jenny, Cordelia and Xander, Oz and Veruca; all those little things had lead to this moment in time, to this place. And she didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she could take a step forward when she had been frozen in place for so long.
Spike knew he was close. He knew that she was on the edge. So he let go and let his body shake with the emotions that she was releasing into the room. And the purity of them brought tears to his eyes.
Willow felt a tear hit her throat and run backward down into the crook of her neck before disappearing into her pillow. Whatever it was that had flickered to life inside of her earlier was now a fierce flame. She had a sudden fear that whatever it was, it was going to consume her. Rebirth by fire. Willow knew that what she was feeling had something to do with Spike. She had never felt anything like it. No one had ever taken the time to really look at her in the way that Spike was trying to do now.
Spike sighed as he took in her scents, the smell of her creamy skin, the emotions that swirled around inside her. Her confusion left a tangible aroma in the air that aroused more than just his sense of smell. He could hear her heart hammering, rushing the blood through her body. He wanted to taste her. He knew he couldn't, but how he wanted to. Without him realizing what he was doing, his demon came to the fore and his tongue slid from between his fangs, dipping out and tasting the skin that beckoned him.
Willow felt his face change, and when this tongue darted out to taste her she sucked in a breath. She had a sudden flash of those fangs buried in her neck. The sensations of a painful pleasure swamped her for a moment before it faded away. Her fingers curled into his hair, holding him in place. The witch felt her body warm to his touch almost as soon as he made contact. She had been ready for him the night before, but she hadn't wanted to. Now she wanted him to show her what she had missed out on before. Anything that would take away the danger she could feel clawing at her walls. She pushed her breast against his side and felt the hardening nubs of her nipples rub against his unyielding rib cage.
Spike could smell her arousal growing. He had been surprised to feel her weave her fingers into his hair instead of stiffening and starting to shut herself down. He ran his tongue along her neck and then up toward her ear. Pulling it in to his mouth with his teeth, he sucked into its recesses. Willow turned her head into the pillow to give him more room to explore her. She knew that if she didn't think and just felt what he was offering, then it took away the chance of him seeing right into her.
Maybe if she just gave in and let things happen then she wouldn't be so close to losing herself. She could feel the pressure from all sides. If she moved one way or the other, she felt like she would be crushed. She wanted what he offered. Wanted to reach out and grab him with both arms and pull him through the walls that she had built around her. Give over all that was her to someone other than herself, but she knew better. If she gave in and invited him in, one day he would lose interest and walk away, just like everyone else in her life had. She was good for some things, but not love; not now, not ever.
Spike slid his hand over her tummy and up to her breast, tracing the curve of the underside with his finger. He wanted to be much rougher with her, but he knew better. The chip wouldn't allow that, but maybe just a little pain mixed in with all the pleasure that he was offering would go unnoticed by the bit of plastic in his head. He turned her face so he could kiss her lips.
It started out very soft and tender. Then it slowly smoldered into something more until she was gasping for breath. He kissed her cheek, a soft closed mouth kiss, then licked along the outside of her ear, sucking the lobe of her ear into his mouth, then reached to playing with the sliver hoop that she wore in her ear, running his tongue around it and tugging on it gently with his teeth. Willow felt the sensation start in her ear and spread down across her chest. Her nipples tightened and puckered. And then she felt a tension that she had never felt before spreading down past her belly button to the apex of her thighs. She felt a pressure building there, deep inside of her womb.
Spike could feel her tensing up. He could feel her fear. It exploded in the room, covering them in a blanket of her emotions. He didn't want to miss the opportunity that was right in front of him, but he could feel it slipping away.
Willow felt his hand slip between her legs. As his fingers slid inside of her, and his thumb began to rub her clit, she felt her fear swamp her as the pleasure filled her body. Willow let a shuddering breath escape from her lips. She felt like there was a war raging inside of her body. She didn't know if she could fight it. It was more than she bargained for.
Spike felt her body start to shake as his fingers became slick with her cream. He knew she was close, but he could also feel the fear.
"Spike, please . . ." she whimpered, her voice raw with the emotions that she was feeling.
"Just let go, luv. I've got you." He tried to claim her as her walls began to tighten around his fingers.
"No, Spike please!" She didn't feel like she could breathe anymore. Her chest was tight with fear, and she didn't know if she could trust him to see her through this.
"It's okay, luv. Nothing will happen to you. I have got you. Just give in and ride the wave," he whispered against her ear.
Willow began to thrash her arms. She was trying to get them between him and her, but Spike only tightened his grip on her, sending her fear to a whole new level. She was beyond panic. She needed to get away from him. He was doing this to her.
Spike knew that her orgasm was only a few strokes away when he felt her hand against his chest, trying desperately to push him away. If he could only hold onto her a few more seconds he would be able to push her past the point of no return. That is when he felt her push against the bed with her feet. It was like trying to hold onto a wild animal, and as much as would to have thought that he could have hung onto her, she somehow managed to rip herself from his arms.
Willow knew the floor was where she landed before her mind had enough time to clear and realize that she had managed to kick herself off the bed. Her body was still shaking from the pleasure he had tried to give her, so there was little difference when the sobs started to rack her body.
"Willow, are you all right?" Spike asked, as he started to move from the bed.
"No! Don't you touch me!" she half yelled and half sobbed, as she scooted across the floor and away from him.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he said.
"I don't care. What you do to me is far worse." She scrambled to her feet and moved to the door.
"Where are you going, luv?"
"I can't be in here with you," she cried as she ran from the room.
Spike lunged forward and hit the wall with both hands. Not hard enough to hurt the wall, but hard enough that he felt it. He had been so close, and now all the work he had done was lost. She had totally freaked out on him and was now in her own room crying into her pillow. He wanted to go in there and drag her back to his bed by the hair of her head, but knew that would only make things worse.
He needed time to think. He needed some blood. He grabbed the sweat pants that he had abandoned earlier and stormed out of the room and down to the kitchen. They both needed some time to cool down, and he needed another plan. This was going to be harder than he had first thought. His strides quickened as he rounded the corner and entered the kitchen.
He was so angry with himself. He had done it again. The blonde had once again lost sight of the goal and just jumped into the moment. He paced back and forth as he waited for the microwave to beep. He knew he should have waited. He knew it all along and yet he hadn't cared when he had his hand between her legs, and now it had cost him. There was no way she would let him get close to her again. He had try, but how? He had pushed her too far and now he was back to square one. The microwave beeped and he grabbed the blood and chugged it down in one swallow then tossed the mug in the sink. He had to come up with another plan, but what?
~Part: 7~
Spike lay in bed the next afternoon after Willow had gotten back from school, listening to her move around downstairs. He could still feel her emotions swirling around her, but she had managed to, over the course of her day, pull herself back under control. Well, as controlled as she has been since he had moved into the house. He knew he had been close to breaking down the walls she had built around her the night before, but at the last second her fear had swamped her and she had broken away from him. She had chosen to hide herself back inside the walls that had been her protector since she was a child. He had chosen to let her go rather than go after her. Something had told him to just let her be for now.
There had to be a better way to get what he wanted from her. He just had to figure out how to do it.
Spike heard the phone ring, then listened to her side of the conversation.
"Hello." There was a short pause.
"Hi, Giles." Another short pause, but even from upstairs he could feel her frustration.
"Yeah, I can come over. What's up?" Spike heard her agree to go to the watcher's place rather quickly. She hadn't left him home alone except to go to school. But, then again, none of her friends had stopped by to check on her since the boy had come here a few nights ago. He wondered if maybe this call had something to do with that.
"Buffy saw a demon last night where?" Spike could hear the laughter in her voice as she said it.
"What was Buffy doing at Make-Out Point?"
"Oh yeah, I guess that would be a good place to find vampires," she said, not sounding as if she believed the explanation.
"She said it did what? Changed colors?" Willow was trying not to laugh, but a demon that changed colors just seemed funny, in a Hellmouthy sort-of-way.
"Yeah, I will be there in about an hour."
Willow hung up the phone. Should she go up and tell Spike that she was leaving? He hadn't come downstairs yet. She wasn't even sure she was ready to see him yet. The things that had happened between them last night were still too fresh in her mind. She could still feel the tingling in her body from his touch. No matter how hard she tried to forget it, she knew that he had been closer than anyone else to bringing her to the peak that she feared so much. She knew that her body was capable of so much more . . . and that was what had her so scared of him. The things that he promised to do to her, the things that he could make her want from him, made her want to run from this house and never look back. She wasn't ready for the sensations that he wanted to share with her. She didn't want to feel alive in that way. Not now, not ever.
Willow went to the kitchen. She needed to get her laptop to take to Giles' with her. She knew it was going to be one of those nights, just from the sound of his voice. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about the way he had asked her to come over that sounded out of place. She finished gathering her stuff and made her way to the door.
"Ya know, luv, I'm hurt to think that you would leave without so much as a `good-bye,' " Spike said from the shadows of the stairwell. He had known that she would try and slip out without saying a word to him. That is why he came down to see her off.
At the sound of his voice, Willow's heart lodged itself in her throat. She wanted to turn around and scream at him for doing it again, but she knew that she had been in such a rush to get out of the house that she hadn't heard him on the stairs.
"Spike," she said after she got herself under control again. "What do you want?"
"Come here," he said.
"I don't have time for games right now. I am on my way to Magic Box."
"I know, and I said to come here."
Willow wanted to bolt for the door, but she knew better. He would be here waiting for her when she got home tonight. So she moved back from the door and into the shadows of the hallway.
Spike waited until she came most of the way on her own before he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to him. He pinned her between him and the wall, his firm body against the length of hers. As soon as he did, he felt the emotions swirl.
Willow felt her body come alive at the feeling of his frame against hers. And then she felt his lips hovering over hers; just a move one way or another and she could be kissing him. Her mind clouded and she was having a hard time thinking. She wanted him to kiss her and then she didn't. She knew the temptation that lay inside of his arms, and the more she was exposed to it, the harder it was for her to resist it.
Spike could feel that she wanted him to take the next step, and he wanted to give her what she wanted. But he knew better. He knew how it would end: she would run from him just like she had last night, and he didn't want to go through that again. The next time he took things that far, he wanted to know that she was ready. That she was willing giving herself to him.
He reached up with his hand and cupped her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "Just remember when you go over there tonight that they will be watching you. Don't forget about your little visitor the other night and how badly he wanted to come in."
Willow was having a hard time concentrating on what he was saying with him this close to her. "What?"
"The . . . other . . . night. . ." He started slowly so she would understand what he was saying to her. "When I had you pinned to the front door, my hands down your pants . . . You remember, don't you?" To make sure she was thinking about what it was like to have him doing those things to her, he ran his hand up the length of her thigh and leaned into her neck, pressing himself closer to her, invading her space.
Willow froze. She couldn't seem to think when he was this close to her. It was hard to keep her mind focused on what was being said. She couldn't remember what she had been doing before he had touched her.
"You remember, now don't you? You know that you didn't want it to stop." He rubbed his face against her neck. "Then the door bell rang and it was your little friend."
Willow nodded. She knew he was talking, and the sound of his voice was soothing until his hand slid up the side of her face and into her hair. Her head cleared with swiftness when he pulled her head back and she was looking into the eyes of his demon. Reminding her again that the man before her was so much more than just a man: he was also cold blooded killer. And if it weren't for that chip, she would be dead.
Spike knew he had made a mistake when he had stepped close to her. He had thought that she would be too nervous to be close to him, but she hadn't been. He could feel her emotions drowning her. So now he had to make sure that she was listening to him. Once her eyes were wide with fear he knew he had her attention.
"You go and have fun with your little friends. Just remember that they are going to be watching you for a sign, any sign, that something is wrong. I know the moron wanted to come in the house and you turned him away. Do you know that he stood outside for several minutes the other night and waited? I bet that you have never not given him what he wanted before. I don't know what he was waiting for, but I could hear his heartbeat for several minutes after you crawled into my bed. I bet he ran right back and told the slayer that something was wrong with you just because you didn't let him in. So you need to be on you toes." And with that he let her go and shoved her toward the door.
"Didn't you notice that they didn't call you until they needed you to look up some demon for them? Other than that one time, no one has even stopped by to see you or called to see if you were okay." He watched her face. "You know that you are better off here with me." He didn't wait for her to respond, he slipped back up the stairs as quietly as a shadow moving across the ground.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow thought about his words the whole way to the Magic Box. `Was he right? Did she need to keep an eye on her friends? Did they still trust her?' She pushed open the front door of the shop, wondering if she really had a reason to be concerned about her friends. She shook her head. He was just trying to get her to stay home with him because he was unable to go outside for fear of the soldiers that had grabbed him and shoved that chip into his brain. She didn't know why she listened to him, she thought as she let the door swing closed behind her.
As she walked into the shop she felt all eyes on her. "Hi, guys." She gave everyone a little wave. For a moment she felt like she had walked into the wrong place until Giles walked in from the back, where he had obviously been scavenging through some of the obscure tomes that she knew he kept hidden from their young eyes.
"Oh good, Willow, you're here. Would you be so kind as to look up color-changing demons on that dreaded machine of yours?" Giles asked, without looking up from his book.
"Yeah. I will get started right away."
She set up her computer on the big table off to one side and began searching her database. But even as she let the research take her in, she could still feel someone watching her. She tried not to look up as page after page flickered across her screen. She knew that she was just letting Spike's words get to her. That had to be the answer. She hadn't given anyone a reason to not trust her.
"So Wills, why are you staying at your parents' place again?" Xander asked.
Willow could hear in his tone that he was trying to come across like the answer didn't matter to him. But she had known him since they were children, and there was so very little that they could hide from each other.
"Well, . . ." she didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't very well tell him that she was hiding Spike in her home. "I have this big test that I am studying for and I needed sometime alone so I could get it done," she finished lamely.
"How could you need more time to study? I mean that is all you do now," Buffy said matter-of-factly.
Willow just sat there for a moment and looked at her friend. She didn't know what to say.
"When are you coming home?" Buffy asked.
"I hadn't really thought that far ahead," Willow replied.
"What do you mean, you hadn't really thought about it? You know that I need you to help me pass my classes. How am I going to get my homework done if you aren't there to help me?"
Willow felt the anger swell up inside of her. Was that all that the slayer thought she was good for? Doing her homework? Willow could hear Spike's laughter in her head as she stood there. He would laugh and tell her that she should have stayed home with him. That he would treat her better than they did. Willow heard her computer buzz to let her know she had mail. She turned back to her computer and opened the mail. The redhead read it over quickly, and jotted a few things down on a piece paper, and then turned to Dawn.
"Would you give this to Giles and tell him that I have gone home? I will keep working on this there. If I have anything for him, I will drop it by."
Willow turned back to her computer and began to put it away. She was hurt by the way that Buffy had talked to her, and she was going home. She wasn't just going to stay here and take this.
Buffy stood there for a moment, waiting for some kind of response from Willow. And when the slayer didn't get her answer she stormed over to the table and grabbed Willow by the arm.
"I asked when you were coming back to the dorm."
"I don't know, Buffy. It could be a few days or a few weeks. Now please let go of my arm."
"What?" Both Buffy and Xander spoke at the same time, and Buffy tightened her grip on Willow's arm.
Willow winced in pain and tried to pull away from Buffy. "Buffy, let go. You're hurting me."
"Then tell me what is going on. You aren't acting like yourself," the blonde said.
"Nothing is going on."
"Wills, what is happening here?" Xander asked as he covered Buffy's hand, and the slayer reluctantly let go of the redhead. He had been concerned when he had left her house without her inviting him in, but now he was worried. She was hiding something and he wanted to know what it was.
"Nothing is going on. I just need to be at home for a little while."
"Is something wrong with your parents? Is that why you went back home?" he asked.
Willow didn't want to lie. She also didn't want to look him in the eyes. She knew if she did that he would know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was lying to him. So she just picked up her bag and headed to the door.
"They are fine, Xan. I just need some time to myself." And with that she walked out the door, rubbing her arm where Buffy had grabbed a hold of her.
As soon as Willow was gone, Buffy exploded. "What the hell is going on here?" she said as she stormed across the room and jerked the paper out of Dawn's hand.
"Hey," was Dawn's only response before her sister shot her a dirty look, stopping all further comments from the teen.
Buffy looked down at the paper. It had the names of three demons on it. That was it; no further explanation for the redhead's behavior. Buffy turned the paper over and over in her hand, seemingly expecting something else to appear on it.
"I don't know what is up with her, but there is something. Like I told you, she wouldn't even let me in the house the other night when I stopped by." Xander paced back and forth.
"Maybe she has a man at her parents' house," Anya offered.
Buffy shot Anya a dirty look. "Come on, we are talking about Willow here . . ." The slayer rolled her eyes at the ex- demon. "There is NO man in the picture."
Both Xander and Buffy turned to look at each other, and at the same time said, "Magic"
Anya just rolled her eyes. She didn't know how they had come to this, but then, she was new to this whole human thing. She thought that maybe the redhead just wanted some time alone, but she could tell by the look on the slayer's face that she had already made up her mind. Oh well . . . maybe she would just count the money again.
Willow felt tears in her eyes. She had gone back to apologize for her behavior, but when she had heard what they were saying about her, just shut the door. Spike had been right: they only wanted her around when she was doing something for them.
She was going home to Spike. The thought that she was going home to him shocked her, but he had been right: they had been watching her.
~Part: 8~
Willow used her key to let herself into the house, her emotions swirling around her like a whirlwind. She was surprised to find that the door had been locked and the house was dark. There was just one light on in the entryway.
"Spike?" She hesitantly called out. She was used to coming home and finding the house mostly dark, but she could always feel him somewhere inside. He told her once that he felt at home in the dark. This dark didn't feel very homely to her right at this minute. She had thought that he would be waiting for her to come home.
She called for him again, and when he didn't answer, she felt something she hadn't expected. Panic. `Where is he?' Her mind screamed. He had to be somewhere in the house. Didn't he? He just had to be. Willow went to the kitchen; he wasn't in there. She went to the bathrooms, both the one downstairs and then the one upstairs, turning the lights on as she went. She could feel the tears that she was holding back burning her eyes. She didn't know where he could have gone. She went through each room of the house and no Spike.
Willow found herself wandering back down the stairs. She should have known that he wouldn't hang around. She thought back to the night before and felt guilt. She hadn't meant to push him away. He had just scared her. She didn't really know why, but she was afraid of what it meant when he touched her. Her body reacted to him as if it had a mind of its own. As if it was willing to sacrifice her heart for just one taste of his lips. She had never felt like that with Oz. Oz had been safe, Spike was so not safe.
She didn't know why she reacted the way she did to Spike when the person she had loved hadn't been able make her body do the things that the blond vampire had been able to do. And they had never had never been in love. What scared her the most was, if her body could burn with just one touch from his hands, what would happen if she fell in love with him? Would her feelings burn her alive as well? She couldn't take that chance, not after what had happened with Oz.
When he had started to touch her the night before, her body had jumped in, blindly disregarding everything she had told herself when Oz had left. The redhead wasn't going to do this again. She wouldn't give her heart away, but the way her body moved toward him when he was in the same room made her mind out to be a liar. She knew that could only mean one thing: her body was falling for him. The touch of his skin; the feel of his body. She knew he hadn't been with her all that long, but she needed him. More so now that her friends had done what they had. She didn't know what she was going to do now that she had nowhere else to turn.
Willow had known that she was in trouble when she left the Magic box with only one thing on her mind. She had to go home to him. She had to tell him that he had been right about her friends. She needed him to hold her and tell that it was going to be all right. That he would make it right for her, for both of them. Then, when she had come home to find him gone, her world had crumbled right before her eyes. Now she didn't know what to do or how to go on without him here to help her.
Willow felt the tears flow down her face. She had never been more lost than she was now. She could try and fix things with her friends, but she wasn't sure if she would. Their words had stung. They didn't really care about her. They only wanted her to be there for them. None of them wanted to be there for her. She had started to learn that when Oz had left her. They hadn't wanted to take the time to help her heal. It was part of the reason she had been so quick to take Spike into her home. She had needed someone in her life. Someone she could take care of and who would do the same for her. Someone to share things with.
Willow felt her emotions swamp her. Sobs racked her body. She didn't know what to do. Who was going to be there for her now?
Spike was about a block and a half away from Willow's when he felt it; her emotions were filling the night air like fog on a London night. Something was wrong. He hadn't thought that she would be back this early. He had planned to return before she would even know he had been gone, but it hadn't worked out that way. She was at the house and something was wrong. He had to get to her.
Spike started to run. Her emotions were stronger than he had ever felt them. He found himself worried about her, but he didn't stop to think what that meant. He covered the distance between him and the house in no time. He leapt onto the porch in a single bound, pausing only briefly at the door to twist the knob.
"Willow?" He yelled her name as soon as he passed through the door. "Where are you, luv?" he yelled as he moved into the house.
He saw her sitting on the floor of the front room, her head bowed and her body shaking with the emotions she had never really learned to control, despite the walls she had built to shield herself from them. He moved slowly toward her; her emotions so thick in the air that they seemed to restrict his movements.
"Willow, luv . . ." He wanted her to know that he was there before he touched her. He wasn't sure what had brought this on, and he didn't know what to expect from her. But he could feel her magic in the air tangling with her emotions and that made her unpredictable. Sometimes he wondered if she wasn't a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.
Willow heard his voice and turned, shock and relief warring on her face. Before he had a chance to even think about what was happening, she was in his arms, relief coming off her in waves.
"Where were you?" she demanded in a tear-strangled voice.
Spike was stunned at how fast she moved, for a human. One moment he was standing there with his arms empty, and the next they were filled with a sobbing Willow.
"Luv, what's wrong?" he asked as he smoothed her hair away from her face.
"I . . . thought you . . . were gone," she whispered through her sobs.
"I was gone. I don't understand why you were upset by that," he said as he picked her up and moved to the couch, settling her into his lap.
Willow snuggled closer to him, relived that he had come back. "I thought you were gone for good."
Spike wanted to jump up and down. She had been upset by the fact that he had stepped out of the house for an hour or so. Maybe things were going better with her than he had thought.
"Why would you think that I had left for good?"
Willow buried her face in his neck and tightened her grip. She didn't want to face him when she said this.
"Because of last night," she mumbled into his neck.
Things were becoming clearer; she thought he was going to walk out on her because she hadn't been able to give him what he had wanted the night before.
"Willow, I wouldn't leave because of what happened last night. Dru put me through a lot more than you have, and look how long I stayed with her. It would take a lot more than what you did last night to make me leave you."
Willow looked up at him her tears still fresh on her face. "Really?"
Spike couldn't help himself; he had to smile. She was looking at him like he could make things better for her with the smallest of actions. For a moment she reminded him of Dru; looking up at him with big, wide eyes, begging him to make things right. As if the outcome all hung on what he would do.
"Really, luv. Why don't you go ahead upstairs? Get ready for bed, and I will shut off the lights, lock the door, and be right up."
Willow smiled at him and climbed off his lap. "Okay," she said with a childlike voice as she walked to the doorway. Then she stopped and turned back to him. "Spike?"
"Yeah, luv,"
"Where were you?" she asked uncertainly, as if he would be angry with her for questioning him.
Spike looked up at her and smiled, soft and welcoming. Helping her to take another small step toward becoming his. "I was almost out of cigarettes," he reached into his coat and pulled out three packs of smokes, showing them to her.
Willow smiled at him. "Next time, let me know what you need and I will pick it up on my way home. I don't want anything to happen to you, okay?"
Spike looked at her and gave her his sweetest smile. "Sure, luv. From now on, I will let you know if I need anything at all."
Willow beamed a smiled at him as bright as the sun as she turned back towards the stairs. Once she was on the second floor, Spike shut off the lights and locked the front door. He hung his duster in the closet and headed up the stairs.
He was so happy about the way things seemed to be working out. Last night, when she had run out on him, he had thought that they had suffered a major setback. But now she was acting like she couldn't live without him; clinging to him like a lost child would after finding its mother. There had to be more to this evening than what she had told him so far.
He stopped in the hallway. The light was on in his room, not hers. He moved forward. Could she really be in his room waiting for him?
Willow could see the look of surprise on Spike's face when he walked into his room. He hadn't thought that she would be there. The redhead had been so worked up by the time she had gotten home that, when he wasn't there, she had panicked. Now that he was home with her, she felt like a little girl who had found her missing doll and now didn't want to let it go . . . not even for the night. She felt safe with him. She couldn't explain it, but she needed to be with him.
Spike stepped into the room. He was watching her with those blue eyes. The blonde wanted her feel like she couldn't hide anything from him. She wasn't telling him something, and he was going to figure it out. He pulled his shirt off and then toed off his boots.
"Are you staying in here tonight?"
Willow looked uncertain of herself for a moment. Her head dropped and her eyes found something on the blanket that covered her very interesting. "You told me that, from now on, I sleep with you."
Spike smiled at her. "That I did, luv, that I did," he told her as he started to unbutton his pants.
"Take your nightshirt off." At her hesitation, he set about relieving her fears. "I won't push it tonight, but I want to feel your skin against mine as I sleep."
Willow looked up and smiled at him, tears swimming in her eyes, but she nodded and started to pull the shirt over her head.
Spike finished removing his jeans and reached for the light, turning back to Willow. "Do you want. . ."
And that was when he saw the bruise on her arm. "What the hell is that?" he asked, his voice filled with anger as he looked at the angry yellow and black bruise that stuck out against her pale skin like a bright light in the darkest of nights. If he had put that mark there it would have been one of the most beautiful things that he had ever seen, but since he hadn't, he was angry. Someone had trespassed, and he wasn't going to allow that.
Willow froze. She had been so happy to have him back that she had forgotten about the bruise; about what had happened at the Magic Box. He seemed to be able to blot out everything other than his presence in her life. She could feel his rage and it didn't frighten her as much as she thought it should have.
Spike was across the room in a heartbeat. "I want to know what the bloody hell happened, and I want to know now."
"Buffy . . ."
"What?" he yelled.
"Buffy, grabbed me, at the Magic Box," she told him quickly. He was frightening her.
"I will kill her." As soon as the words left his mouth he knew it had been a mistake. His chip fired with just the mere thought of murder. And he hit the floor.
Willow scrambled off the bed and grabbed a hold of Spike. "Are you okay?"
"No . . .body," he started to say as a new wave of pain seared through his brain, as new ways of killing the slayer danced through his head.
Willow helped him up off the floor and onto the bed. "Do I need to get you something?"
"No, just come here," he gritted out through clenched teeth and the jack hammer that was still going off inside his head. Willow turned off the light and climbed into bed next to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and began to rub the tension out of him. She slowly moved up to the back of his head, trying to pay special attention to the tense spots there.
Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "Nobody touches what is mine. Do you understand that? The slayer will pay for the way she handled you."
Willow felt him shutter as another wave of pain lanced through his body, but what she focused on were his words, even though she kept rubbing his head.
"Am I yours?" she quietly asked.
"Yes," he said as he tightened his arms around her waist. He hid his smile against her skin. He knew that she had bought his act. The chip was touchy when it came to things he did, but never to thoughts. He felt her relax against him, and knew that he was a step closer to getting what he wanted from her. He didn't know what all of what happened at the Magic Box, but he wished that he could thank her friends for being so ignorant of her. They didn't know it, but they had pushed her right into his arms, literally.
He would talk to her in the morning about what had happened, but right now for some reason he just wanted to hold her.
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